I know, right?
Who butchered one of Deadpool’s widely available perfectly good pics into this hell spawn of an AI breed? 

Short answer?
Me!

And spending copious amounts of time replacing the random background, removing an even more random pillow that was tucked behind the head for unknown reasons;
And I added the katanas behind Deadpool’s head.
All to make it a little more pleasing  to the eye than just a mannequin head with a Deadpool mask and a winter cap.
You’re welcome!

The reason I resorted to this, instead of using a real photo of Deadpool is because this was the only Deadpool photo available in the copyright-covered database from design software Canva.
And therefor, the only picture I dare to use ever since criminal organizations in the Netherlands have found they are allowed to attack bloggers for IP infringement, demanding hundreds of euros for use of a single picture, and not just get away with it, but are actually operating within Dutch law.

Therefor you will not catch me posting anything, that is not either mine or Canva’s!

So here we go on this boundary stretching, genre breaking piece on the Lessons in the new Deadpool!

And just as a little disclaimer;
If you want a REALLY GOOD piece on life lesson’s one can learn from Deadpool’s latest movie?
I suggest leaving now, and ask AI to write you a piece!

AI has gotten quite skilled at coming up with structured, easy to understand content, closing with a summary of the key points.
Which is great, because it means that we writers can do whatever the f we want.

So off you go!

So now that it is just you and me, let’s get going with this post which from the looks of it, and from what I recall with my sober, highly functioning, memory since I have only drunk alcohol on a handful occasions for the past 18 months, and have been regenerating my body with female hormones to make up what menopause has undone;
Promises to be the most important blogpost in my entire career.
Plural, careers, since I was actually a writer under a penname over a decade before I found pen and paper or its 21st century equivalents, under my real name (Suzanne Beenackers).

This is the blogpost I have been waiting for, for a very long time.

Even though I have felt the matter at hand (not Deadpool, but its lessons) was addressed, done and down, multiple times already.
That I have been here before, but have been moving in circles instead of forward…

Just like this Deadpool movie, the lessons learned have been in the making for eons of false starts, half-truths and disappointments.
It was not one lucky strike.

This Deadpool movie is without a doubt Ryan Reynolds Magnum Opus.
And if my lessons have even an .001 percent of its weight, it was in fact worth the wait.

Because just like the movie, finding my calling and the One Truth has been postponed, delayed, and pushed to the backburner of an unknown universe, held together by little more than willpower.

Yet Deadpool’s challenging production, would be the first lesson.

A lesson to always believe in what it is you are here to create.
And at the same time;
To understand that it is not up to you.
That it is never, up to you.

Partially, yes, you can blame your reasons for having difficulty, the power dynamics that get your creative projects crushed, whatever they are.
Your version of Disney buying Fox.
But ultimately, just like the secret of Life itself, there is also a magic to things coming into being.

It’s never just up to the things we can see or understand.

As a creator, you are just helming a project that has come to you from another realm, or in the case of Deadpool the right word would be coming from another Universe!
It (the idea) has come through the Marvel Sparkle Circle to land on your timeline.
But it will make another jump, if you fail to foster it.

We cannot command things to come to our timeline, we do not control the ideas that come to us.
Just recognize that something has landed, and that we can serve it by helping it manifest.

But it is not up to us, whether we get the satisfaction of seeing it fulfilled.

This goes for Ryan Reynolds fighting to seeing this third Deadpool movie made, and not letting it get crushed in the Disney takeover of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
And it goes for Wade Wilson, Deadpool’s real name, seeing his career as Deadpool blocked, when we see him apply for The Avengers and being turned down.
His girlfriend leaves him, he starts sharing his apartment with a friend, and he accepts a job as a car salesman.

Wade Wilson/ Deadpool wanting to be a working superhero, Ryan Reynolds making another Deadpool movie, and – moving past the awkwardness of putting myself in that same line – me understanding creativity and Life itself;
We all have to make our peace understanding that we are not, the creators of our own lives.

It’s not our business whether we succeed or fail.
Our only business is to not stop wanting what we want.
And if you have seen the movie you know this is the point where Deadpool is at the beginning of the movie;
He has let the rejection get to him.
He has stopped trying.

I don’t know about Ryan Reynolds, but for myself I only have to look back at the last post I wrote for this blog, to see where I failed as recent as last month.
As I quote myself saying:
“If writer’s block came in a bottle, I’d pay for that.
A lot.”

So yes, I have given up too. Many times, because that quote was not new.
I have been willing to stop my superpower of being able to write every day and all day, all in order to be some sort of version of a car salesman in the 2024 Universe.
A mentor, a yoga teacher, a proper independent whose marketing does not get flooded and drowned with her creative expressions.

I had a “Please God take it away from me!” attitude towards my writing, and towards my too-muchness (we all know Deadpool did a better job there! he never stopped being himself!)
Knowing what I know today, after seeing the Deadpool movie four times, I can say I was not as much desperate to fit in;
But I was definitely holding back on who I really was.

And for professional and practical reasons rather than for wanting to be liked or fitting in, but that does not make it a wiser or more honorable choice.
You are either an authentic expression of who you truly are (who God made you! Hello, how many paragraphs until we see how unholy this whole façade thing is)
Or you are not.

But before I move to that part (the unleashing the real me part), I want to first give the punchline on the creator/creating/artist rant.
Because creating against adversity?
Like Deadpool being rejected by the Avengers?
Reynolds having to deal with his movie being tossed between giants?

That was never my biggest problem.

Like the quote about wanting to pay for a writer’s block already indicates, my biggest frustration has come from being unable to not-create…..
An “if only I could halt this creativity” kind of wishful form of thinking.

The frustration of not being able to plan my life, career nor business, even though I know VERY WELL, what proper marketing looks like.
I know very well what proper EVERYTHING- looks like.

It’s just that the powers that inspire me and guide me are way stronger than my desire to plan and execute the things that I know lead to success.
Hence, the funny-not-funny but dead serious quote on wanting to pay for a writer’s block. 

However!
What Deadpool has shown me, and OMG FINALLY!

THIS IS ABOUT SEX!
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BORE- WRITE MYSELF TO SLEEP/DEATH

.
The first thing seeing this super authentic, being 100% himself and pan-sexually totally rocking it Deadpool character has taught me;
Is to start owning my sexuality even more. That I have been absolutely coasting it.
But that conclusion was a bit to be expected.

It would be weird if you walked out of a Deadpool movie thinking it would be a great idea to start leaning more towards a celibate or monogamous lifestyle.

Promiscuity after seeing Deadpool must be considered an inevitable and in my opinion fortunate side effect. 

But the real surprise, at least for me, was how this led to me accepting myself creatively.
And events are slowly coming back into my memory, because it happened when I invented the word:

pan creativity

.
Just like pan sexual people, feel sexual tension with different types of people (don’t ask me the difference between Bi and Pan sexual- there’s people far more knowledgeable than me on the subject, who would still not dare to touch it) I came up with the word pan creativity, to describe my creative poly amorous nature.

This term, Pan creativity, then takes the place of concepts like “multi potentialite”, “poly creative” and even the still fairly bland “multi passionate”.
I think this new word is more accurate because it honors the force, the innate power of it, where other terms still speak of it as a nice to have toolbox with a diverse set of skills.

But just like sexuality, that is not how being pan creative works.
It are urges, forces of nature, that define who you truly are, and that will become an uphill battle, trying to repress.

It is ironic that I have long understood how dangerous monogamy is. How you cut yourself off from Life itself, if you make that your God.

That there are in my not so humble opinion, few things as brutal as two people wanting to touch, explore, be together in a physical and visceral sense, and to then overwrite this beautiful chance to create something memorable and delicious, with some moral code that just stamps everything down to the ground and shames anyone participating.

I know there’s nuances here, morgages, children no one wants to see grow up with parents who have divorced, and I get that.
But you know very well, it is not these nuances that are usually leading the conversation, which is always about making infidelity (nature) wrong, and mental constructs which society has made up, right.

Yet although I have been keen to defend my stance on the matter of sexual restraint, which is you must be VERY AWARE what you’re cutting yourself off from, if you’re thinking about being monogamous;
I have made the same exact mistake myself…. just that it has been in the field of creativity, and not sexuality!

I have been cockblocking my own creativity, thinking I needed to be “proper” (the creative version of monogamous) if I want to be worthy.
But like people who cannot help cheating despite their own moral code, I have been creatively promiscuous, while at the same time condemning my own behavior as being irresponsible to my business and my readers.

Deadpool’s unapologetic sexuality reaffirmed my own already fairly unapologetic sexuality, Yes!
But only to have it backfire with the force of a 15+ years delayed orgasm;
In the field of my creativity, I have been going against everything I logically and morally stand for.

For 15+ years I’ve tried to brutally force my poly amorous and pan creative nature, into creative monogamy or even celibacy.

 

The character of Deadpool knew what he wanted;
To join the Avengers.

Ryan Reynolds knew what he wanted;
To make a new Deadpool movie.

But I have been pretending I wanted to have a business in something that looked proper (and for which I have the experience and capacity), when in reality?
The person who ever wanted that, either never existed, or she is no longer among us.

Because you see, that is the biggest lesson from Deadpool.

Even though there is car salesman Wade Wilson, and the costumed superhero Deadpool;
There really is, only Deadpool…..

It’s not like a normal regular person, who pretends to be this stage persona; In this case there only is “the stage persona”!

Wade Wilson ceased to exist when he was turned into Deadpool, an immortal killing machine.

Now, whether Wade Wilson/Deadpool is selling cars, in his normal attire, or whether he is in his superhero costume;
He is exactly the same person.

You know who he is?
Deadpool!

Wade Wilson died in that laboratory. He no longer exists.
And although the Avengers do not want him in his new superhero shape, between their ranks, that doesn’t make “Wade Wilson” less dead.

When he is selling cars, he dresses up like Wade Wilson.

And it is the same for me.

When I have these fantasies about using all my work experience and worldly skills, I am denying what has happened in “the lab of 15+ years of writing”.
I am dressing up as an old version of me, whom I would love to be, because it’s a hell of a lot easier than living with what came out of that lab;
But I can’t.

I used the word travesty, in a post I wrote last week. And although I immediately felt uncomfortable using it, I left it in, because it was the only accurate word to describe what I meant.
I could replace it for something less triggering, but not for something more on point.

And this blogpost again, I am resorting to that word:
I am a travesty, of the young woman who once existed. Although even then, she was more complex than I make her out to be.

But like Deadpool posing as Wade Wilson, whenever I pretend to be a normal yoga teacher (in particular) or regular business owner, I am actually pretending to be someone who is no longer with us.

The writing desk gave birth to a completely different persona, the penname I have been carrying since 2006 and which from the get go has felt like “real me”.

And not counting a very brief period late 2018;
I never tried to make that work my priority.
Deadpool may have been rejected by the Avengers, but I never even applied for what my version of Superhero Writer Me would do.

Instead, there was the daily blocking of my creativity because This Is Not Correct For A Yoga Teacher and That Is Not Professional Marketing.

Instead of the realization that maybe in 2024, just like on Marvel’s Sacred Timeline, the biggest mistake anyone can make is to not be who you truly are.

From Deadpool’s unchecked pan sexual magnetism, to his non-stop string of self-depricating jokes;
The Deadpool franchise will be somewhat of my sacred well of sexual and other wisdom, for years if not decades, to come.

But for now, 10 September 2024, suffice to say, that I am home.
And that I feel born again.

Or in the words of Marvel Jesus Deadpool;
“She has risen, Baby Girl!” 

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Suzanne L. Beenackers
20th century writer, diarist & yoga teacher
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