Final blogpost World Between Worlds | Rock Star Take On ARTING (video)

new video on YouTube:
click here to see it
-> https://youtu.be/pMHJTSKlYqc

Ending 4 blogs and this channel
+ A Rock Star Take On ARTING
| (for now?) final video

The New Rock Star Channel is here!
Or was here…..
Because although this week is only the ninth video, which through a stroke of luck ended up being the episode “A Rock Star Take On ARTING” exactly as I had announced this one would be, this video is most of all a sad realization that after 6 years of unlimited content creation, a new job is forcing me to let 90% of my international content go.
Including this channel.

And including this blog World Between Worlds
which has existed from January 2021 to April 2025

I will not make this any more difficult and lengthy than it already is, but if you  want to keep following my content, subscribe to:
1. the Suzanne Beenackers channel at:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXpNMsIFP2U34A0yBKk8PUQ
For the video series Life lessons in Bon Jovi songs.
And
2. to the Rock Star Writer Nijmegen blog
https://rockstarwriternijmegen.com/
For Bon Jovi Concert Readings.

In this video;

1. Welcome to the last video on this channel 00:00
Or the last blogpost, if you are reading this on a blog.

2. End of an era 2019 – 2025 00:10
The practical reason I have to cull my international work, letting 90% go.
And WHY, I selected to keep on board:
Life lessons in Bon Jovi songs at:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXpNMsIFP2U34A0yBKk8PUQ
And Concert Readings at:
https://rockstarwriternijmegen.com/

3. The New Rock Star Channel 04:00
What it was about

4. FAN ART! yes, a controversial choice 04:18
Touching very briefly on why I choose to focus on fan art, instead of more respectful forms of art.
Will get back to this later in the video.

5. All outlets that are ending 05:18
New Rock Star Channel;
The Catacombe Nijmegen blog, incl What Do Rock Stars Need To Hear Today;
The World Between Worlds Nijmegen blog (where you’re currently on), popular culture;

Spirit Raiders .com about being offline and regaining our consciousness;
And the Daily Bon Jovi Yoga blog.
This video will be posted on these 4 blogs and on the YouTube channel which I am ending.

6. Did I mention these things?! 06:57
Probably, but it’s already the 3rd time I recorded it, so I forgot.
So either way I’m cutting 90% of my work, and the reason is because I’m starting a new career.
And also:
My blogs had multiplied to the point of being uncontrollable.
So sooner or later I would have to start culling anyway.
The demand of a new career simply dictates that it is now, and that it has to be vigorous.

7. Out of all options, why on earth did I pick to continue the Bon Jovi Fan Art?! 07:44
Good question!
And here it gets interesting because there is a very good reason for that.
And one that you may consider too, if you have to make difficult choices.

Listen to why out of all options, I ultimately chose the video series Life lessons in Bon Jovi songs and the blog series “Bon Jovi Concert Readings” to continue.

8. The books that are upcoming 15:58
Everything that was written 2019-2025 will be turned into books at:
https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/rockstarwriter

9. Recap 17:00
On what I am choosing and why.

10. A Final Rock Star Take On 17:55
On choosing, on Art, on Arting, just like I announced in the previous video.
This video has turned out to be a great illustration of what the Rock Star Take on “Arting” is!

Choose the projects that scare you, and at which you can fail.
But that also excite you.

11. Subscribe to where we will see each other next 19:34
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXpNMsIFP2U34A0yBKk8PUQ
And
https://rockstarwriternijmegen.com/

And with that we have reached quite unceremoniously reached our destination, hereby ending the New Rock Star Channel;
The Catacombe Nijmegen blog ;
The World Between Worlds Nijmegen blog (where you currently are);
Daily Bon Jovi Yoga;
And Spirit Raiders .com.

I definitely do not exclude the idea of ever returning!

As I tried to explain it is mostly starting a new career that has forced my hand into making a very painful cull in my work.
But if I ever see a way of combining it, or can otherwise center my life around art again, I will definitely pick up my work.

Including here, on the World Between Worlds. 

For now, so long and take care!

~Suzanne Beenackers
Rock Star Writer

.

NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK

other socials:

Instagram  Twitter Rock Star Writer Facebook Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver LinkedIn

Keep following my content, subscribe to:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXpNMsIFP2U34A0yBKk8PUQ
For the video series Life lessons in Bon Jovi songs.

And to the blog:
https://rockstarwriternijmegen.com/
For Bon Jovi Concert Readings,
a Tarot reading but with home-made Bon Jovi cards.

All new books will be published at:
https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/rockstarwriter

Playlist of this series: The New Rock Star Channel

 

 

Alien encounters of the furth kind | The Alien (Men) Series 2025 03 30 episode 2

In the first episode of this series, which I called The Alien (Men) Series, because I suspected my love for incomprehensible mysterious men would somehow tie in to aliens (something which seems irrelevant to today’s story but leaving it in, in case either aliens or romantic partners start appearing in my life again 😉 ) 
In that episode I identified three relatively common ways in which you may encounter alien theories.

The first was through everything related to UFO sightings, and the research and mostly-military industrial interest in their technologies.

The second was through the theories of Ancient Civilizations, where humans were created through aliens creating men from genetically modifying primates, creating a race that was designed to live in bondage both in their human form (as slaves to mine the earth for resources) as well as in spiritual form (through reincarnation, an endless loop within the earthly atmosphere)
I m not even sure if I got into that so specifically in episode 1, but either way I think that is the most common way to look at what happened, from the alien-civilization perspective.
This is just the origin story by the way.
Aliens have returned to earth at later stages too, to work on their invention of humanity, and those stories or timelines are not in my head right now. I have simply encountered all these stories too recently to get my head around how all the alien-infused eras and civilizations are linked.
But that’s why it’s called a series, I guess 😉
Gives me time to get back to you, if I encounter something new.

And then the third theory on aliens is galactic reincarnation.
This means that after the invention and use of the atom bombs, which affected not just our world but other dimensions too, the overseeing galactic council has stepped in and sent volunteers to earth to raise the vibration of humanity.
These people have souls which are not from here, and they are called Starseeds.

You can read this first episode here:
Wait! I can talk about aliens? | The Alien (Men) Series 2024 12 10 episode 1

The topic of aliens seemed to silently move out of my life since then, but I accidentally encountered it today. Although perhaps not so accidentally because I Googled for “Alien cats” or “Alien cat guides”!

Because I am trying to find some context to the unbelievable way in which my cats have come into my life, and how my relationship to them is so entirely different from the cats I previously owned.
Not only did our paths cross in strange and unlikely ways, through which I immediately knew they would become my cats, but there was also a divine timeliness and orchestration to how our timelines were weaved together, bypassing many hurdles and impossibilities, which I would never have been able to solve on my own.

So even though I knew instantly they were my new cats, I also knew I would not be able to house them for a very long time.
It seemed an impossibility.
Yet one year later they were adopted by me.
Everything had been in divine order.

In the year when I was catless however, I also had cat-company.
Two people who did not know each other and the backstories of their cats were widely different, both asked me to take care of their cats.
And they were both grey cats!
A color cat I rarely if ever encounter, and now within a year, I had had two.

So not only was I beginning to suspect divine intervention with my two new cats, which were “held up” or you could say they received training and experiences so their life would not be totally boring living with me the rest of their life 😛
But I also thought it was peculiar that in my catless year, I had the comfort and honor of taking care of someone else’s cats, for about 7 months in total.
Grey, cats.

And then, and here is where you have my permission to label me as aloof, I started seeing the alien cat-like being that was inside of my cat, when I was hugging it.
So it’s like an eastern/ Siamese-like cat, but made out of blue and white light. And it’s bigger than its actual body.

And also, I started seeing the peculiar way in which these cats interact both with me as well as with each other. 
In their first weeks when they were only active at night, because with the exception of a twice-a-day cuddle session which one of them needed more than he was scared, they did not show themselves, I could hear them talk to each other, in super cute meows.
They were having conversations, like they were discussing things, even though meowing is said to be something they do not do with each other, only with humans.
Well, mine meowed with each other, in tiny baby-ish voices, as if to make sure they would not wake me since their conversation was not meant for my ears.

So because these cats were so different, and their attitude towards me is so intense, and because my best friend (Who in retrospect had been my anchor in this life!) had left and then my cat had died, I had been so lost;
And they became my new anchors.
They are to this day, my foundation both in my life’s choices as well as in my spiritual well-being. And I know we will continue this bond, with the three of us, for a very, very long time.

So because all of that, I started to look up if cats could be sent as protectors or to raise the vibration. Much like the galactic volunteers who appeared when humanity needed to be relieved from darkness;
I, had needed to be relieved from my darkness.
I had needed saving and these four cats, the two grey ones, and the two I have to this day, had done just that.

Could I find something that could explain why this had happened?
Was it a sign that I was indeed destined to live alone, something I have been growing increasingly more aware of.

Were they the guides for this phase of my life, that I suspected would last a decade or two?

And when I started looking for cats as guides and cats as alien guides, I found that this is actually a very common theory. Making it the fourth, of the popular theories of where aliens come from, or where we can encounter them.

The theory comes from the cat being an Egyptian being. There is no evolution story to them, one day they just appeared. Quite similar to the missing link for humans, which if humans are indeed the result of aliens breeding us will forever stay missing, there are also no creatures that link the cat to what we call “the big cats”.
And in Egypt they had a sovereign status.
To murder a cat was to be be sentenced to death.
And they were not allowed to be gifted or brought outside of Egypt.

Egypt is the epicenter of ancient alien culture. There have been recent excavations which are expected to reveal the pyramids were giant electromagnetic conductors, and absolutely not just tombs.
And the goddess of Bastet had a cat’s head, and was linked to the worship of cats.

Cats are thought to have been aliens in animal form, a gift to the humans from the Gods/ their creators.
Cats are designed to be able to take care of their own, and just like dog is man’s protection on earth, cats are the protectors and guides on the spiritual plane.
They are our helpers.

And their faces are inspired by what is called “The Greys”; an alien species most commonly associated with visiting earth.

This also explains a feature about cats which I have found odd (although very cute) for a number of years, and that is their large eyes, on the front of the head.
Predators have SMALL eyes, in the front of the head.
Prey animals have LARGE eyes, on the sides of their head.

But cats?
They have LARGE eyes, in the front of their head.
And a small mouth, just like aliens.

The only thing that seems to have been slightly altered over the years is the shape of their skull: Eastern cats  (like mine, who are a mix breed) still have that elongated face/ skull. But most cats have a wide skull, like the movie character of ET, whose head was also based on a (normal) cat skull.

I once asked a medium how pets are linked to humans, and they said that some pets are very much in their animal awareness, but others are intimately linked to the humans around them, and their consciousness is at the same level as their humans.

So from all I know so far, I would say that although not all cats feel they are connected to humans, and in that way the lives and fate of my cats and me do seem to be exceptionally intertwined and therefor special, there was one thing I was wrong about, when I thought my cats were special because I wondered if they were alien.

Yes, they are alien.
But that is not special.

They all are.

.
Suzanne L. Beenackers
20th century writer, diarist & yoga teacher

☕️ Buy me a coffee
🌎 Paypal

 🇳🇱Tikkie van de week👽🛸 

“Alien encounters of the furth kind”
is the second episode of The Alien (Men) Series

You can follow this series by subscribing to this World Between Worlds blog.

NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK
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That was it! 

Thank you for reading my World Between Worlds blog!
Subscribe to the blog, to get them in your mailbox.
You can find the subscription button on this page, probably on the top right.

my business since February 2023:

Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

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yoga voor generatie X

 

From Coffee pots to Sieves | Gen X Diary 2025 01 30 episode 4

Living offline, as much as possible, I originally wrote this article by hand on Monday 20th January, 2025.

Enjoy this new addition to the Gen X Diary.

Suzanne Beenackers
creating 20th century lives

An important insight just came to me.
Because I’ve known for years being online was changing something fundamental within us, making us fragmented and broken. And I also knew that the key to success in ANY AREA is what I call the Coffee Pot Problem.

The problem to be solved is this:
“What Coffee Pot do I need to BE, what is the content, the life, the people, the work, that I need to be able to HOLD, when I have achieved my success?”

We always focus on how we get to the content which goes into the pot. Money in our bankaccount, car on the driveway, lover in our bed. Or, also very common, we focus on BEING the correct, well-educated, responsible content ourselves!
So others will take us into their coffee pot (their lives)

So they will buy our book, invite us for coffee – oh, if only we could be such tasteful coffee that EVERYONE would love to get their hands on us right?! Wrong – 
Offer us a job, accept us into their community.

Come 2025 and we would kill to be invited over for something or by someone who will accept us for who we are (the best coffee in the world, among many other things) and offer us a home.

Now up until 2010, 2015, somewhere along those lines, I would have given you a fair chance of finding that.
There was still, at heart, a calmness and peacefulness to life, which had a way of grounding us.
Of confronting us with reality with the others around us. With our circumstances and with who we truly were.

This was a place of solitude and although we could fill it up with television or visiting social media sites through our browser;
Using apps for social media for news, YouTube and sending texts, was absolutely not the common practice it is today.

And the algorithm revolution in the wake of Facebook being the first to crack the code and in its slipstream the entire internet;
That had not taken place.

It wasn’t until 2016, 2017 when everything was, and is, connected to everything. And our brains get overpowered the moment we turn on our computer or phone.

By 2016, 2017 the revolution had been completed.

By then the majority of us were compromised by the internet and we were no longer in control of our own mind.

We became the messengers and the henchmen of ideas that were not our own, and that had been spoon fed to us.

If the roots of who you were and the values you had and held and lived by, were not rooted as solid as an 600 year old oak?
You were permanently connected to your digital media in order to be bled and harvested for everything that was of use.
And at its first sign of replenishment of resources.

Your time, your awareness, your emotions, your identity, your aesthetics and looks and of course – your money.

The first person to point out what the consequences were of this Matrix-like behavior/situation, where we are little more than bodies in a pod drained for our energy, was Cal Newport.

His book “Deep Work” (2016) explains how creating uninterrupted time brackets is the key to staying productive.
Combined with his book “Digital Minimalism” (2019) they explore the fundamentals of what happened, the dire consequences and of course what to do about it.

The books are an education, about how to hold on to your intellectual resources, in an online world capitalizing on what took you a lifetime to build.

But that is just the productivity side of things. A very narrow capitalist, yet of course necessary countermove to protect what’s yours. And very much needed for your own survival, if you don’t want to end up naked, bald and spinning in a pod drained like a battery, and with your mind entertained in our version of The Matrix (the internet!) so you don’t wake up.

Knowing what Deep Work is, and how you can protect yourself on the most basic level, is the bare minimum.
Understanding the spiritual consequences of a life lived without consciousness, would be the highest level on which we can discuss this.
But I will not do that in this article.

However, I will meet you halfway. And with the one-size-fits everything version of this story, that can be used for any area of life you may be concerned about.
From productivity, spirituality, to finding love or your life’s purpose.

The Theory of the Coffee Pot.

Or the missing, compromised, broken or fragmented coffee pot. In fact I think most of us have become SIEVES at this point. 
Designed to filter and let the liquids through, and holding on to things we’ll throw away.

In my opinion, until 2016, 2017, most of us had a Coffee Pot.
A place to hold our lives.
And if we had wanted to upgrade for success my advice would have been, knowing what I know today, to improve your coffee pot.
To learn how to HOLD bigger, better, different things.

One of my favorite examples in this, is with a rock star.
A rock star is someone who is able to hold space for the energy of tens of thousands of people, in an arena or stadium. Now they don’t “just” do that of course.
It is an outcome achieved through everything they do and are, including how they show up online and in their interviews.

But a rock star can be seen as a coffee pot which can hold space for tens of thousands of people in a stadium, and millions worldwide through their work including their visibility in the media.

This is an entirely different coffee pot as the one needed to play at weddings or doing corporate gigs, although some may overlap.

So until 2016, 2017, that would have been my advice:
To achieve something you must become the thing that holds it.
A bigger, better coffee pot, 9 out of 10.
A different coffee pot, 1 out of 10, if you are going a new route.
Try something new.

However!
By now, we are all without coffee pot, and instead we have become SIEVES.
We do nothing else but filter out the noise hoping we catch a piece of gold in our sieve.

But year after year, wouldn’t you say we only end up with rubble??
And wash out our money, time, awareness and humanness, addicted as we are, to hauling one more time.

So unless you aspire a life as a top notch sieve (f.e. headhunting, thrifting, or other versions of looking for gold) I suggest you throw in the sieve, and get yourself a basic coffee pot to start holding the things you want out of life.

Until 2016, 2017, we were all self-sufficient to a degree, but we also had something to offer to others (space in our pot).

This brought a certain equality between people, and with that a basis to have a good relationship.
But this would soon become a relic from the 20th century.

We don’t have coffee pots anymore.
And there is a lot to say that they won’t be needed either.
Or that the majority of us, with our online behavior, really do need to be able to let go of 99.9% of the stuff.
That it is that, which is the key to success in the 21st century.
How good of a sieve you are.

But my bet is that the things you dream about, the things you want, desire, crave, and also need in order to live a full, rich and meaningful life;
Require a coffee pot.

For you to root deeply, like a 600 year old oak.

Or to be able to hold space for as much as 125.000 people and for three nights in a row.
Like rock star Robbie Williams playing Knebworth in 2003.

In 2013, we were unprepared.
We didn’t know our awareness, our consciousness, the very thing that makes us human, would be taken from us.
We didn’t have any defenses, and are still at the beginning of setting collective boundaries in the form of laws and regulations that protect people from losing agency over their own lives.
We’re slowly getting some regulations, for children and teens.
So they can grow up, before they are exposed to these toxic structures and big tech predators.

But it is still so early, it’s the wild west out there.

And it is really up to you to fend for yourself here, and to get your own coffee pot back.
Best place to look?
Pre-2013 You.

Or better yet; Try the 20th century.

.
Suzanne L. Beenackers
20th century writer, diarist & yoga teacher

☕️ Buy me a coffee
🌎 Paypal

 🇳🇱Tikkie van de week 

“From Coffee pots to Sieves”
was handwritten on 20th January 2025, and posted on the 30th.
It is the fourth Gen X diary entry. 

You can follow this series by subscribing to this World Between Worlds blog.

 

That was it! 

Thank you for reading my World Between Worlds blog!
Subscribe to the blog, to get them in your mailbox.
You can find the subscription button on this page, probably on the top right.

 

 

 

Babygirl: The Theory of the 2 Samuels | video + Scene by scene unpacking

Already waiting for a YouTuber who will put this idea into a montage!!
Because boy…. this would be the absolute coolest thing ever.

Imagine:
Babygirl, but only Samuel’s scenes.
And in the bottom we see a banner indicating “Real Samuel” or “Imaginary Samuel”!

Okay, so what is this post about?

In the first two weeks of 2025, I saw Babygirl twice and gave it a copious amount of provocative thought.

My most important conclusion was that because of reasons that I will explain to you in a moment, the movie can be seen as having not one Samuel in it, but two;
One imagined, and one real.

And I would have kept it at that, had it not been for the THIRD time I watched this movie, and very much to my own surprise, came to the shocking conclusion that this take on it held up way better than could be expected!

That the entire movie can really be seen in this way.
Way more accurately than I imagined it would.

So!
Before I begin, a very important matter of consent, safe space and disclaimers here.

A.k.a. a spoiler warning.

We’re gonna cut to the bone here.

This article is definitely not a safe space for casual visitors, or people who have not seen the movie.
The whole thing won’t make sense, and you’ll just get upset for it being overwhelming.

So.

Now that we’re among mutuals, let me figure out what the best way is to go about this….

There is a 30 minute video where I explain how I got to my new original take on this movie.
But I acknowledge that you’ll probably be more comfortable reading.
So I’ll be taking from the video what is essential for the reading.
And this post, the scene-by-scene breakdown (or buildup!), will start with an excerpt from the video.

The video
click here to see it (optional, because I’ll also summarize)->
https://youtu.be/jhFRpzlcDcU

Babygirl (2024) Masterful Ending Explained (the way they’ll see it in 2045!)
was recorded on 14 January 2025

There are timestamps and a story outline, in the description box below the video.
Watch it on YouTube to access it.

.

The Theory of the 2 Samuels

.
Yesterday, I watched Babygirl for the third time, and although unfortunately I did not make notes -because I did not intend to write this post-
I did watch it, checking if my theory of the two Samuels, as proposed in the video, held up.

Much to my own amazement, it actually did!

So what was the theory?

In the video, I identify a scene at the end of Babygirl, that changes everything.

It is the scene that seems to be constructed from different elements that cannot have happened that way, if we take the rest of the movie at face value.
Which means the scene must be a fantasy.
And considering the way it is sliced into the scene where she’s having sex with her husband, it’s probably an erotic fantasy.

The scene I am talking about is a bare chested Samuel, in the hotelroom they once used together, and with the dog from their meet-cute on the sidewalk.

I argue that since we have not seen anything about Romy’s inner-world in the rest of the movie, except for childhood memories and those were just in stroboscopic fashion, this means that according to the logic of cinema, this just changed the whole premise of the movie.

If we have been watching only REALITY + stroboscopic flashes of her childhood for the whole movie, only to then suddenly get an entirely fleshed out scene looking very REAL in the final minutes of the movie?
Then this means that everything we thought was real throughout the whole movie, could also be a fantasy.

It’s like the beef Star Wars fans had with the sequel trilogy (actually there was simply too much beef to report here, but this was one of them);
If you suddenly change the way The Force works, or how death works, you are changing four decades of Star Wars Canon.

In the same way the moment Babygirl closes with a whole scene suggesting we’re looking at someone’s inner world/ imagination, it has changed the canon of the movie.

In the video I refer to the movie Fight Club as the text book example of an entire movie where the viewer learns in the final scenes they have been looking at a fantasy.
That Tyler Durden never existed.

In the same way, the final scene opens the possibility that Samuel never existed and that it was her imagination all along.

Or, which would be even more interesting that just like in Fight Club, the character of Samuel is based on someone she sees in real life.

In Fight Club it’s someone he sees on the opposing escalator. In Babygirl it would be the young man on the street calming the dog down.
But that Babygirl takes it up a notch;
And keeps the original (real) Samuel in the movie, as well as her sexually brazen version of him.

That where Fight Club was about one fictional character (Tyler Durden, based on the man on the escalator), Babygirl is about a fictional character (sexy Samuel) but that the real Samuel is still around as well.

This is my Theory of the 2 Samuels.

And that the whole movie we’re watching Imaginary Samuel having a very good time, but also seeing the Real Samuel struggle with the weird tension between him and Romy.
And ultimately catching up and inviting her into his life with the rave scene.

Unlike Tyler Durden in Fight Club, Samuel in Babygirl would then not be an entirely fictional character.
But someone who doesn’t make a pass until weeks after his imaginary counterpart has already done so.

This, is the theory of the 2 Samuels.
And it is this theory I checked yesterday.
And without a notebook to jot things down, so my recollection will definitely not be perfect!

Originally I thought I’d wait for the dvd to write this final analysis, but waiting so long is not really my style.
So I’m gonna have a go at it, and discuss the scenes I remember.

 

part I) Timeline of Imaginary Samuel

.
Meet cute: Real Samuel

Romy sees a man on the street calming the dog down.
In the theory of the two Samuels, this would be the starting point where she starts fantasizing.
This is the moment Imaginary Samuel, is born.

All scenes where Samuel is fictional:
-the one who gets her coffee and tells her how he calmed the dog down
-the one smoking with her on the roof terrace, announcing he’ll choose her as her mentor
-the one with the 10 minute interview in the soundproof room. And kissing her.
(and doing the same mathematics she is capable of. A sign he=a projection)

-the one saying “goodgirl” to her after the drinks after work
(and she either ordered her own milk, or this was a very bold move from Real Samuel)
-the one asking her for a second appointment for his mentorship
-the one in the elevator telling her the bruise on her cheek looks good on her
-the one smoking on the street at night, looking up to the building
(in Romy’s imagination, waiting for her to find the note on her desk. The note mirrors the notes she writes for her daughter, and I would not be surprised if screenshots revealed the same handwriting)
-the one in the first hotelroom
(wearing a backpack like her daughters, and a hoodie like her older daughter, and having sex with her in a way that mimics her own self-pleasure practice; all signs he is a figure of her imagination)
-the one having sex with her (INXS Never Tear Us Apart compilation)
-the one in the soundproof room, for the second time.
Granting her a 7 minute interview.
-the second hotelroom, including the Father Figure sequence and conversation in bed and where he asks her to hold him.

-the one in the final fantasy where she thinks about him, while having sex with her husband. With this extra layer, this is actually an imagined imaginary Samuel. Romy has constructed a fantasy, unaware that Real Samuel has never been in that hotelroom.

All these scenes are imaginary Samuel.
Like I said I did not make notes, so this list might be incomplete.

Up for debate:
-the one in the car, being dropped off at the station (probably imaginary Samuel)
This scene where Romy says they can’t see each other anymore, as well as his response it’s innocent and they’re playing like children, could still be valid if it’s Real Samuel and they are only flirting. And he interprets the whole thing as her being upset because he has showed up at her house.

Up for debate:
-the whole mentorship thing (probably imaginary Samuel)
I’m gonna go with there never having been a mentorship with Samuel, at all.
And all those scenes around mentorship (with the exception of their group class) having been imaginary Samuel.
The only point where this (scenes about mentorship being an imaginary Samuel) goes off, but only slightly, is when Hazal answers a question from Romy, on who added her to the mentoring program.
Because Hazal confirms that Romy’s name has been added to that list.
So if we choose to have Samuel’s entire menteeship with Romy being fictional, then it means no intern has chosen Romy as their mentor.
Hazal simply added her to the list.
(but maybe it was more subtle and Hazal’s answer was more general and never confirmed Romy’s name was on the list)

Anyway;
I do think that Romy’s firm “I’m not a part of that (mentor) program”, is a clue!!
I think her denial about being in the program in the first place, is directly linked to their relationship, at least the bigger part of it, being imaginary.

In my take on this movie, (Real) Samuel is then simply a very confused intern, who does not catch up to the potential of his relationship to Romy, until the final 30 minutes of the movie.

Let’s breakdown in which scenes we see this, very confused, “Real” Samuel, slowly stepping into Romy’s life!
It is surprising how this story can be seen in Babygirl, now, exactly as it is (but it would be more clear if someone would make a YouTube video!)

.

part II) Timeline of Real Samuel

 

Meet cute: Real Samuel
Romy sees a man on the street calming the dog down. In the theory of the two Samuels, this is the moment Real Samuel sees Romy.
Who he will later learn, is the CEO of the company he is starting his internship.

All group settings: Real Samuel
The group coming into Romy’s office and Samuel asking a question;
Samuel getting educated about company policies, and informed about the party;
Samuel interacting with others in the elevator;
Samuel at the all parties (office drinks, Christmas party and party daughter);
Samuel bringing coffee for her male colleague;
Samuel coming to the mansion with the pool, to bring her laptop;
Samuel working at the bar;
Samuel at the rave;
Samuel showing up at the mansion, swimming in the pool;

Samuel lying with her on the floor, talking about how they messed with each other’s head;
Samuel confronted by her husband;
Samuel exiting the house and leaving her alone with her husband;

All, Real Samuel.

Up for debate: Samuel with Esme (probably Real Samuel)
It is questionable if Esme exists, or if like Samuel she is (partly) imaginary. She has the same color phone as Romy (bright red), and she has the same confidence as Samuel does.
There is something very isolated about how she functions within the company, and unclear what kind of position she is in (that she’d doing Romy’s make-up?)
Which suggests she may be a reflection of Romy’s internal life.
For now I am going to go with it being Real Samuel (and Real Esme)
This means the scenes:
– where Romy watches Esme and Samuel on the roof terrace
– and the one where Esme shows up with Samuel at Romy’s daughter’s party;
Are all Real Samuel too.

the kitchen argument at the party: Real Samuel
(Setup for start of intimacy with Real Samuel)

From Real Samuel’s perspective, Romy is a CEO from whom he’s getting very mixed signals.
Her showing up at his work at the Club – a place he mentioned when he was at her house to bring her laptop (and she responded cold and aggressively) – was the moment he understood there was more to her.
But he had not known for sure, until the female CEO had showed up in the middle of the night at the bar where he worked.
Sure, he had sent her away, treating her just as badly as she had treated him when he was just doing his job bringing her laptop.
But he remembered feeling more than a little attracted to the woman so boldly stepping into his life.

But he had not known for sure until the kitchen moment, at the party he had come to, with Esme.
First Romy had Whatsapped him to come to the kitchen, and then she had been infuriated at him for being involved with Esme.

Although they covered up the awkward situation for Esme, Samuel now knew it was time to act.
That night, he invited Romy for a Rave.

 

The Rave: Real Samuel
(Start of intimacy with Real Samuel)

In the timeline of Real Samuel, the kiss on the dancefloor is their first. And they talk one on one for the first time as well.
Lying down, looking at the stars.

 

“Do you do with her what you do with me?”: Real Samuel
Question by Romy.

I don’t remember if Romy says this line after the rave, or at the mansion in the final scene.
And if all of the sex scenes were imaginary, this is one of the more difficult lines to place.
But even when Samuel and Romy have not had sex at all, their confusing cat and mouse game, or even visiting the rave itself, could still cover for her question:
“Do you do with her what you do with me?”

 

Esme finds out: Real Samuel

The next day Esme shows up at Romy’s house, and says she “knows about her and Samuel”.
This is still congruent with this new interpretation of the movie, because she could have found out about the rave.

If we go with the “2 Samuels” this conversation is still valid, just referring to something else.

 

The Mansion with the Pool
(ending of an affair that never took off with Real Samuel)

In the version of the movie with the two Samuel’s, Samuel showing up at the mansion where Romy goes to after a breakup from her husband, is only the second time they see each other in a private setting.

We see her on the phone, so it’s very logical she informed him about the breakup, and that she was at the mansion.
(a location he knew from having brought her laptop there)

To Samuel this is all just a continuation from the rave. He does not know Esme has said anything to Romy about her not being allowed to see him anymore.
All he knows is that she’s alone, and broke up with her husband.

We see him swimming in the pool, Romy joining, and the two of them on the floor talking about how they messed with each other’s head, when Jacob, Romy’s husband comes in.

In the argument that follows, the elements referring to the “type” of sex Romy wants, or the type of lover Samuel is, are still within the margins of the believable, if Samuel and Romy never slept together at that point.

Jacob claims female masochism is a male fantasy, and that Romy used him/Samuel.

Real Samuel (who has not slept with her at this point, let alone have a dominant/sub relationship with her) simply sees a woman who wanted to cheat on him, a husband who is upset because of it, and all Samuel does is point out that Jacob has an outdated idea.

Jacob gets a panic attack and Samuel calms him down exactly the way he did with the dog, the very first scene where he and Romy met.

In this new interpretation of the movie Real Samuel and Romy do not have sex, because she chose her husband.
And he no longer wants to be around so he leaves.

 

The End (both real and imaginary Samuel)

.
To Romy both men are the same. 
She thinks she has had an affair for weeks and we see her distancing herself from “both” Real as well as Imaginary Samuel, after the moment Jacob has walked into Real Samuel and her, at the mansion.
She wants to fight for her marriage.

We hear Samuel has gone to Japan, but see no proof of that.
So we do not know what happens to Samuel. Not to either one of them.

Maybe they started an affair, but keep it under the wraps.
Making up a story about him moving out of the country, as a diversion.
And even if Real Samuel did leave for Japan, Romy could still believe he stayed in town and that they became lovers once again.

And that in a hotelroom not so far away, Romy and Samuel are still making love.

Happily ever after.


Suzanne L. Beenackers
20th century writer, diarist & yoga teacher

Hungry for more?
Previously in the Babygirl series:
1) But will it satisfy the spoiled ones? | pre-screening musings
2) Babygirl (2024) get Hollywood on its knees
3) A Hidden Hero’s Journey? Or Tyler Durden reimagined? | closing musings on Babygirl (2024)
+
On my other blog:
liberate now | What Do Rock Stars Need To Hear Today 2025 01 06
And I created a video:
Rock Star Take On SEXUALITY
As well as another video, as mentioned already in this blogpost
Babygirl (2024) Masterful Ending Explained (the way they’ll see it in 2045!)

“Babygirl: The Theory of the 2 Samuels”
was the grand final to all my posts about the movie Babygirl.
All work created first half of January 2025.

☕️ Buy me a coffee
🌎 Paypal

 🇳🇱Tikkie van de week

That was it! 

Thank you for reading my World Between Worlds blog!
Subscribe to the blog, to get them in your mailbox.
You can find the subscription button on this page, probably on the top right.

 

NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK
other socials:

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my business since February 2023:

Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

+ My new Dutch company

de Club
yoga voor generatie X

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Hidden Hero’s Journey? Or Tyler Durden reimagined? | closing musings on Babygirl (2024)

I’m going open with the disclaimer that is used halfway in my favorite review video (‘Babygirl’ is hot cringe | movie explained);

I’m going to spoil the entire plot of Babygirl!

And also, spoil the ending of Fight Club (1999)

“Spoiling” as in telling the story. Not as in taking away the fun or its value.

So if you have not seen Babygirl yet, and are someone who does not want to know how the story ends, then leave now.

(…)

Okay, there we are.
And yet! Even though you THINK you know how this movie ends, because you’ve seen it with your own eyes?
Be prepared to be blown away, because I am going to offer you an entirely different take on it, which I have not heard a-ny-where.

And my guess is it will take two decades before 2045’s YouTubers and others, are going to settle on its final meaning.

Before I continue I think a lofty, mind-expanding idea should probably come first.
Before discussing Babygirl’s 2024 face-value ending, as well as the ending 2045’s YouTubers will be seeing in it.

This lofty concept is;
The probability that Art takes over and tells its own story. 

This can be either in the form of the character, or it can be in the form of the movie itself. Where in hindsight a story or interpretation comes through that is not what the scriptwriter, director or actors intended.

I’m gonna propose that, because I have not heard any of the people working on this film giving this take on it, it was the story itself, or Art itself, that created it.
That the ending is, as will be concluded by half of the YouTubers two decades from now by people still in diapers today, totally different than the ending, or the whole entire movie, as we see it today.
We’re too close to the product, this is going to require distance.

So that concept comes first;
Whether or not you’re gonna see something beyond the most clear cut and DEMURE
– Hello 2045 Googling this review!
– Yes that word was a thing in 2024!
– I know right?!
– Hm hm…. But it does offer an explanation of why 2024 had such conservative ideas about this movie’s ending. We are in our collective norm-core phase.

But I digress.

Whether or not you’re open to see beyond this movie’s most obvious interpretation, is going to determine if you find this thesis about the movie useful or not.

So, then first off, what is this most obvious interpretation of the ending of Babygirl?
What is the ending?

FACTS about the ending we can actually SEE on screen:

fact 1 – Romy returns home
“After” (this is interpretation already, since we have no conclusive evidence their affair has ended) having had an affair with a young company intern who was a “soft dom” to her, and who had no trouble making her come (as opposed to her husband);
Romy has after all, returned to her husband.

fact 2 -Romy still has sex with her husband
They now count to five before they have sex, and he turns her around on her belly just like her lover, and makes her come in the same way her lover did.

fact 3 – There is talk about the young lover Samuel having migrated to Japan. We do not see proof this actually happened.

fact 4 – footage of Samuel bare chested in the hotelroom he booked for him and Romy, but now he’s playing with the black dog from the beginning of the movie.

It is this fourth fact, that will put the movie into a whole new perspective, decades to come.
Because what are we looking at?

The most conservative interpretation is that Romy is now wildly satisfied with her husband and that she thinks back of Samuel, not because that is required to make her come, but that it is a symbol she carries around in her mind, about what the affair means to her.

A slightly less conservative interpretation is that Romy is now able to come with her husband, but only because she plays this movie in her head of Samuel playing with the dog.
In other words, her husband may have caught up in terms of what she physically needs, but she still relies on the memory of Samuel to come.

And yet!
Both these interpretations are bypassing something crucial;
We have not seen images of Romy’s inner world anywhere else in the movie, other than memories!
If we’re supposed to interpret these frames as being not reality, nor a memory, but an actual erotic fantasy, a glimpse of Romy’s inner world that is not a memory (as presented to us throughout the movie in the form of childhood memories);
Then wouldn’t it make sense we had already seen fantasies before?

And why were we not presented Soft Dom fantasies at the beginning at the movie, but were they externalized in the form of Romy having to watch porn?

Does it make sense that after an entire movie where we see either A. reality or B. childhood memories;
We’d now suddenly get a whole sequence that is not reality, nor a memory, but a fantasy?

Let’s say for a moment that this (Samuel and the dog in the hotelroom being not reality but Romy’s fantasy) is the correct interpretation, then the closing sequence either:
-wants to suggest she now finds with her husband what she once found with Samuel and ALL IS WELL
If this is the case, then after having it watched twice, their closing scene in bed has not convinced me.
I’ll be on the lookout a third time, but to me counting from 5 to one, and being turned on your belly, is does not even begin to cover the complex sexual desires and needs Romy had.
She’s hardly more fulfilled than she was at the beginning.
OR
-the movie suggests that she can come because she has created a sexual fantasy in her head.
By combining the elements of the dog on the street with Samuel, together with the hotelroom she once saw Samuel in.
This is not a super satisfying ending (I think) but I think it is an ending that is palpable to most!

Before I get even deeper into explaining this ending, in a way that will probably remain dormant for another two decades, I do want to say that the current ending, INCLUDING the things that I may suggest are “flawed”?
– which is absolutely not my intention, I’m simply trying to analyse it without judgement-
well, that ending was necessary.

I can’t see this movie having been passable to any major financiers if Romy had ended up rocking her sex life with Samuel on the side or divorcing her husband and rocking who she is.
For example, by informing a new date beforehand what she wants, or signing up for a specialized dating website for people with their preferences.

I think Romy ending up alive and her affair going without punishment, was the maximum that was attainable for a big budget film in this genre, at the moment.

So even though I will finish this piece, and dig a little deeper on why I think Babygirl has a hidden message or a hidden ending;
That is not because I think Babygirl could have been made better today. 

But in a more liberal era, how would Babygirl have ended, and why?
Well, Babygirl, in its first 90 minutes, is a hero’s journey.

But a full hero’s journey would have had Romy going through the fire of facing her shame and coming out on the other side anew!
Reborn!
And owning her sexuality as a “soft submissive” or even more accurate, someone who needs a dominant partner. Which, in my opinion, is wildly different from a partner who plays he is dominant. But that is an entirely different story.

So I’m not saying the movie is flawed in any way.

What I say is that I think the movie skillfully maximized what is possible for a big budget movie covering this material, today.
And that I think The Universe, or Art itself, or perhaps the creators DID put it in deliberately! –
But that outside of the January 2025 conversation, there is a possibility of something hiding in plain sight here.
About the ending.

So let’s continue.

Recapping the (face value) ending; Samuel is out of the picture, Romy has returned to her husband and they’re happy in bed. Although it’s possible Romy still needs to think about Samuel and the dog, in order to come.

But what if, just like the rest of the movie, the frames with Samuel and the dog in the hotelroom are not a fantasy at all, but simply facts?
Then, we have a whole different ending.

First the dog: Is it the same dog that walked around loose on the street in the meet cute scene between him and Romy?
Certainly looks like it!
This would mean the meet cute was a set up.
And that Samuel, together with a friend who would “play” the owner of the dog, setup Romy to watch him calming the dog down.

But, perhaps more importantly, it would also mean that Samuel is not in Japan and that he still visits the hotelroom he booked for him and Romy.
Is he still her lover?
Or is he in the hotelroom because he is playing the same tricks with other women?

And what is it about Romy very explicitly telling off her male colleague when he tries to blackmail her into having sex with him –
“If I want to be humiliated I’ll pay somebody to do it.”

If you watched the first office party of the movie, you’ll see her and the man exchanging looks.
In particular with that last scene, this suggests he was her lover first, and that he humiliated her too, as part of their affair.
That she’s dealing with telling off a former lover, and not a new suitor!

But then the specifics of her choice of words:
“If I want to be humiliated I’ll pay somebody to do it.”

And the next thing we see is Samuel waiting in a hotelroom with a dog?
Samuel, about whom we have no evidence that he actually went to Japan?

Doesn’t that make it very likely that Romy and Samuel found an arrangement where she pays him?
That the Japan story was just a decoy?

What I like about that interpretation – that the hotel/dog scene really happened, and that it is still part of Romy’s reality – is that it gives Romy a REAL Hero’s Journey!

One not confided by 2024 Hollywood standards.

Because then she has come out to her husband about who she is, but she also allows herself to have Samuel as her lover.
Whether or not they have decided to make that a financial arrangement.
With that interpretation of the ending, Romy has found true sexual liberation.

And then there’s another interpretation possible. This is not a Hero’s Journey, but it is supercool, and will blow your mind.
Here we go;

It is that Samuel was an illusion to begin with.

That just like the movie Fight Club, Romy may have seen him on the street, and that he could even be in the group of the company’s new interns;
But that he is not real.

In the movie Fight Club, the narrator befriends “a man” called Tyler Durden. But it turns out to be a fantasy, which he created based on the image of a man he spotted on the escalator.

This is the way “Tyler” (the imaginary friend) explains it to the narrator.

You were looking for a way to change your life.
You could not do this on your own.
All the ways you wish you could be, that’s me.

So in my opinion, the most revolutionary cinematic thought will not come from the ones who interpret that final scene of Samuel in the hotelroom with the dog as real!

Yes, they will be the ones saying that the Japan transfer never happened, and that Romy still has Samuel as her younger lover.
And they will argue about what the dog in this final scene means for their meet cute.
If this scene is real, then the dog is real, was the affair all staged?

Revolutionary, yes.
But it’s not the biggest Blow Your Mind.

No, the reason this movie could end up a cult classic is because if we are to interpret the final hotelroom dog scene as a fantasy;
It means everything, can be a fantasy.

—–

{ new paragraph, added a day later 12 January 2025: }

It gets even more interesting if we would re-watch the movie from the concept of there being two Samuels:
One real, and one imaginary with whom she has an affair.

The Samuel asking a bold question in the group of interns;
The one showing up with Esmee at the party;
Showing up at her house with the laptop;
The one at work in the bar;
The one who fights her husband and maybe even the one at the rave or the one who orders her milk;

Could be the real one. 

Obviously taken aback by her jealous, hysterical behavior in several of these situations, and probably setting himself up for an affair but then it didn’t really start until the rave or the pool.

But the one who offers her a cookie, stands with her in the elevator, leaves her a note on her desk at night (just like she puts notes in the backpacks of her children);
Shows up in the hotelroom wearing a hoodie (just like her daughter);
The one who has sex with her in the first hotelroom (and a mirror image of when she was alone);
And the one she has appointments with in the sound-proof room?

Is her imagination.

And Romy explicitly says she wasn’t part of the mentor program, remember? 😉  

Even Esmee’s confrontation scene where Esmee, just like “fantasy” Samuel, is super contained and dominant telling her what to do, could be a fantasy. 
Just like several Fight Club analyses claiming that it was not just Tyler  Durden who was imaginary; So was the girlfriend, Marla Singer.
She was based on someone he probably also only saw once.

I have no idea how this lens of watching it from the perspective of reality and fantasy mixing, will hold up when I see it a third time.
But it kept haunting me, after having written this post yesterday.
And it would explain a difference in how Samuel holds himself around Romy: sometimes very strong, and sometimes he seems confused by her. And also dressed in a completely different way.

Very curious to see how others will take on this subject of reality versus imagination, in the upcoming decades.

—-

(picking up the story; )

This movie could end up a cult classic because if we are to interpret the final hotelroom dog scene as a fantasy;
It means everything, can be a fantasy.

It means the movie does not depict reality, but we see Romy’s distorted sense of it.
Just like we saw in Fight Club.

And both movies use a one-frame/ one-image technique, where we see just one frame for a memory, or a clue about what’s going on.
That is a technique used in no other movie I know.
Coincidence?
I don’t think so.

If you were 30-ish when Fight Club came out, then you are Romy’s age by now.

And I’ll be damned, if you are not looking for a way to change your life.

I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck.
I am smart, capable, and most importantly,
I am free in all the ways that you are not.

Welcome to Babygirl.

.
Suzanne L. Beenackers
20th century writer, diarist & yoga teacher

Hungry for more?
Previously in the Babygirl series:

But will it satisfy the spoiled ones? | pre-screening musings
and
Babygirl (2024) get Hollywood on its knees
+
On my other blog:
liberate now | What Do Rock Stars Need To Hear Today 2025 01 06
And I created a video:
Rock Star Take On SEXUALITY

“A Hidden Hero’s Journey? Or Tyler Durden reimagined?”
is expected to be my final post about the movie Babygirl.

☕️ Buy me a coffee
🌎 Paypal

 🇳🇱Tikkie van de week

That was it! 

Thank you for reading my World Between Worlds blog!
Subscribe to the blog, to get them in your mailbox.
You can find the subscription button on this page, probably on the top right.

 

NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK
other socials:

Instagram  Twitter Rock Star Writer Facebook Facebook Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver LinkedIn

 

my business since February 2023:

Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

+ My new Dutch company

de Club
yoga voor generatie X

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Babygirl (2024) gets Hollywood on its knees

“Everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.”

Oscar Wilde’s quote was never more appropriate than for the new Halina Reijn movie, Babygirl. Having switched from acting to directing only a few years ago, Babygirl is her second English movie, and the first English script she wrote.
And what a stunner it is.

Halina Reijn absolutely reigns with this movie. Not just on filmfestivals but this piece of erotic cinema was exactly the rude yet pleasurable awakening, the industry so direly needed.
She has them eating out of her hand, like CEO Romy.

On all fours in front of the bed, carefully taking a red candy out of the palm of the outstretched hand.

“Now spit it out,” the company’s intern Samuel commands Romy.
Taking his time to carefully wrap it and take it aside.
Leaving Romy waiting.
Yearning.
Uncertain if she will stay or flee, storming out like minutes ago but for real this time.
The clock ticks away the last seconds to the moment of no return.

Samuel will make her come hard and fast. Without even taking his clothes off or kissing her.
But he will generously take her in his arms, as she breaks down crying afterwards. The ultimate cathartic release after a lifelong of sexual neglect and repression, most importantly her own. But the husband who was clueless on how to handle her, didn’t help either.

Like Romy finding the visceral satisfaction, the understanding of what she has been missing out on, the relief that she is now finally nourished and taken care of, by someone who knows their craft;
In the same way will the world understand what it has been denying itself.

In the changing 21st century sexual climate, we have become more and more aware of what is not right, and of equality and consent;
And the Me Too movement has taken down whole areas of the toxic Hollywood landscape;

In that era, we have been uncertain on how to build back. Lethargic even.

“Babygirl” has seduced us back into the bedroom of big budget cinema, and instead of overthinking it, we pick up a familiar backpack lying on the chair.
Yes, this is the right room… so strange we’re alone then.
But it gives us time to look around.

The door opens and he comes in, dressed in a pair of trainers and a hoodie. Not like anything we expected. He carries a plastic bag, with takeaway food from the looks of it.
“Ah there you are,” he says.
As if we were the ones who are late.
His laid back mannerisms seem hardly appropriate for the explosive situation we are finding ourselves in.

Just like in the movie, Reijn downplays what she is doing.
There are no disclaimers that Babygirl will singlehandedly blast away decades of sexual neglect and misrepresentation.

Just like Samuel, Reijn knows perfectly well what she is doing. There is a deceptive ease in her performance, as they are both open and aware of concepts like consent.
Both not afraid to be clumsy nor avoiding difficult conversations.

What both Samuel the young lover, and Halina Reijn the new director understand so well is that sometimes what is required are not endless discussions.
Are not multiple perspectives.
No meticulous strategies.

But to bring us to our knees so we can finally and fully;
Let go.

.
Suzanne L. Beenackers
20th century writer, diarist & yoga teacher

Hungry for more? Previously in the Babygirl series:
But will it satisfy the spoiled ones? | pre-screening musings

“Babygirl (2024) gets Hollywood on its knees”
is my second post about the movie Babygirl.

☕️ Buy me a coffee
🌎 Paypal

 🇳🇱Tikkie van de week

That was it! 

Thank you for reading my World Between Worlds blog!
Subscribe to the blog, to get them in your mailbox.
You can find the subscription button on this page, probably on the top right.

 

NEW founded in MAY 2024: SUBSTACK
other socials:

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my business since February 2023:

Catacombe
become the Rock Star you were born to be

+ My new Dutch company

de Club
yoga voor generatie X

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But will it satisfy the spoiled ones? | Babygirl (2024) movie | pre-screening musings

Romy: “How did you get that dog to calm down?”

Samuel: “I gave it a cookie.”

Romy: “Do you always have cookies on you?”

Samuel: “Why, do you want one?”

Let me preface this unusual blogpost (who else would put so much thought into a movie before they saw it?!) by saying that I am a very, very spoiled girl.

And that I have given the subject I am about to present to you more thought than the average married couple contemplating concepts like sexual growth and physical sovereignty, before they submitted to monogamy.

In fact, I gave up an amazing long-term relationship when I was in my early 30s, and with it close to every friend I had (and it is still the big disclaimer in friendships, palpable to almost no one);
All, in order to investigate my sexuality.

So I know what I am talking about.

And let me tell you that sexual liberation is not, as they say in Fight Club, a weekend retreat.

This isn’t a seminar
This isn’t a weekend retreat
Where you are now you can’t even imagine what the bottom will be like
Only after disaster can we be resurrected
It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you are free to do anything

Nothing is static
Everything is evolving
Everything is falling apart

This is your life (feat. Tyler Durden)
The Dust Brothers

And a few years ago I also saw Halina Reijn’s movie Instinct multiple times because I thought, for definitely more than a minute there, she was actually on to something.

For a moment I thought Reijn, who is Dutch just like me, had unearthed the hidden gem from the cold ashes of the apocalyptic erotic landscape left behind by Basic Instinct.

The 90s were the decade where the very foundations of our sexuality were taking a punching. We could take no more, and were bleeding on the floor of Lou’s basement coughing our guts out.

Maybe this too deserves a reference to Fight Club (1999), because it gave us a new sense of nihilism.

Everything is falling apart.

Sex education for the new millennium.

But in the midst of it all, Basic Instinct had given us something, or multiple things even, which were never properly explored anywhere else.
Not then, not since.

And when Halina Reijn directed the Dutch movie Instinct (2019) about a female psychiatrist who gets into a sexual affair with a convicted sex offender, for a moment there;
I thought she had found Basic Instinct’s hidden treasures.

Now after a few viewings I understood that it was not there. That it had been me wanting to see it, like wanting to like a man and being willing to let a few mistakes pass because you do not want to judge too harshly.
But it wasn’t there.

The movie Instinct (2019) did not explore the hidden Basic Instinct topics.
And January 2025, here we are again.

Will Reijn’s next movie, Babygirl, bring to the surface what are by now Basic Instinct’s three decades old secrets?

Now at first glance Basic Instinct and Babygirl may seem miles apart.
Covering entirely different themes.

In Basic Instinct, the female multimillionaire protagonist (most would say antagonist) is single writer Catherine Tramell.
She oozes power, both monetary as well as sexually. And she’s possibly a serial killer, which will also keep you on edge.

In Babygirl the female multimillionaire protagonist is a married CEO Romy Mathis and she has children.
She oozes power economically, but is nowhere near Catherine Tramell’s omnipotence.

And therefor (because of this difference in power) the men these women meet, are also different in power.

Omnipotent Catherine Tramell meets a tough-as-nails homicide detective Nick Curran.

Where professional powerhouse Romy Mathis meets a self-aware, confident Samuel, at the beginning of his career.
I tried to look for a last name, and he doesn’t even seem to have one.

Either way, I think with Romy also being less powerful than Catherine, the fact that Gen Z character Samuel isn’t the explosive vessel of suppressed emotions that Nick Curran was, is a good thing.
And from what I have seen, the character of Samuel really embodies why I am such a big, big fan of Gen Z!

Whenever I talk to them I feel the only job we, the older generations, have is to keep things afloat until they are in power.
Gen Z will know what to do!

But I digress.

So either way I think Romy, just like Catherine, found a one of a kind lover.
And that it was this match that created an Erotic Space.
A concept which I consider the gem, the gift, of Basic Instinct.

How the importance and the quality of this Erotic Space is being regarded within the movie Babygirl, will determine what my verdict of Babygirl will be.
So pay attention.

Watching Basic Instinct, it is tempting to conclude Catherine’s and Nick’s tension is being built from the subtext of what is being said. And the context it is said in.
When Catherine Tramell lights a cigarette saying: “What are you gonna do? Charge me with smoking?”
When she is being interrogated by five or so officers, that clearly shows she is in power.

But it is because they know she is worth over a hundred million dollars, that she actually gets to have that power.
They are very aware she could hire a hot shot lawyer and sue their department.

The same with Nick.
Years of undercover work in the drugs scene have earned him a reputation of being lawless.
He was addicted to cocaine and alcohol and has had five shooting incidents within a few years, including one where he shot innocent tourists.
Yet he has managed to get out without being punished.

“You see! We’re both innocent Nick.”
Catherine laughs, when discussing their clean lie detector tests.

Their meeting of minds has created an impenetrable bubble around the characters of Catherine Tramell and Basic Instinct’s male protagonist, detective Nick Curran.

Nick Curran is the only one who is at her level, and she has recognized him as her equal, just from reading newspapers alone.
“She knows where I live and breathe,” Nick says to his colleague Gus. “I’m not afraid of her.”
“Why the hell not?!” his partner exclaims.
“I don’t know, I’m just not.”
(all quotes done by heart – may be inaccurate)

And yet!
The Erotic Space shared by Basic Instinct’s Catherine Tramell and Nick Curran, is
->a space they both also have around them when they are alone<-

A place of pure potential, of awareness, of sovereignty.
And it is in that space, where the erotic tension is being sparked the moment they suddenly see someone else “in there”.

They are no longer alone.

You could say they finally find someone who is fluent in their love language;
Unadulterated, scared of no one, no holds barred, power.

Nick and Catherine meet each other, in a place where no one else is.

Imagine having climbed your way to the top of a snowy mountain, and being used to not having anyone to talk to.
And suddenly someone else is there.
That’s Catherine and Nick.
Even if you believe she is a serial killer (which I obviously don’t) she will certainly never kill Nick because she knows very well how rare their connection is.

Basic Instinct is a tale about the Erotic Space that comes into being when two people are attracted to each other
->who are of equal high power<-

A game of minds, between equals.

From what I remember about Reijn’s other movie Instinct, is that I ultimately concluded that the two protagonists were either not powerful, or one was not powerful.
So that we had not been looking at an Erotic Space, but at I don’t know…. Probably trauma or something.
I don’t remember the details.

Which is absolutely not to say Instinct was not a good movie. And it has been instrumental in shaping my thoughts on this topic.
It was just that it was not the Hoped For movie about Erotic Space, that I hope to this day someone will make.

SPOILER ALERT FOR BABYGIRL
(although I will keep it to a minimum)

I have already watched spoiler reviews for this movie, and I know it explores the concept of her (Romy’s) infidelity from the context of the sexuality within her marriage.
So not getting Whatever at home;
and finds it with Samuel No Last Name. The younger, dominant, lover.

I have seen it being suggested that Romy’s infidelity could have been prevented if Whatever (I still don’t know what that is, but I don’t expect it to be relevant) had been properly understood by her husband.

I don’t know if this is really the trajectory!
If that is what I will see in the movie.
But if it is indeed a “Not getting enough at home” – theme?
Then I already know that once again Basic Instinct’s diamond has been left unturned, underneath the ashes of the 20th century.

Because magnetic sexual attraction is not about what you do or do not have at home;
It is about finding someone who can meet you at your level.

My verdict of the movie Babygirl will depend on if Romy’s problem is being rounded off to a technicality of what happens in the bedroom.
Something her husband can learn, and then all will be well.

Or if Babygirl recognizes that Samuel, even at his young age and without the professional accolades;
Was already more powerful than Romy’s husband had ever been.

And that shit cannot be taught.

.
Suzanne L. Beenackers
20th century writer, diarist & yoga teacher

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Wait! I can talk about aliens? | The Alien (Men) Series 2024 12 10 episode 1

“Start to embody your truth.
Which doesn’t mean that we all have to go up on stage and talk about aliens.”

I do not remember the exact words the coach used on the training, but it was something like that.
I was struck by lightning!

During the group coaching program on what is basically galactic reincarnation (I’ll get you up to speed in this very ->XXXL<- article) (sorry about that) (yeah I KNOW!), it had never occurred to me to go public with my fascination for aliens.
As far as I could tell aliens, much less alien origins, were not exactly top of the minds of other people. It never seemed to be even remotely relevant within their universe.

Now in hindsight, I could have already made an early prediction right then and there, that this topic of aliens shared an unexpected kinship to my love life.
Based on the fact that it seemed to be absent in other people’s lives, where my highest goal for as long as that was age appropriate, has been to have male demi-gods in my bed, and being able to handle them.

Which requires a set of skills that I suspect will be taking me multiple lightyears to acquire, but roughly put I’d say it goes something like this:

In order to be a successful lover of half-gods without having them crush you, the following skills are necessary:
1. attract them
And this is like borderline simplistic, but the gist is you have got to keep your cool when others are fainting in admiration.
Let’s just leave it at that for now.
2. be comfortable in your own body and sexuality
There’s gonna be two of you in bed. So you have to appreciate your own body just as much as his, because otherwise this is not gonna work. It would be like painting but ignoring one half of the canvas.
3. take managing your emotions to Olympic levels
There is a reason mortals get crushed under the weight of the divine, I’m not gonna downplay that.
But I think it’s the not-being-preparedness, that takes them out before it has even begun.

You have to prepare for these interactions, not just sexual ones but from texting to having dinner, to phone conversations;
You cannot be winging it or you’re gonna be toast. And you need to be incredibly strategic at all times.

Oh my, this blogpost is all over the place already isn’t it?
Have faith!
I have it in my head, and it will come out.

So!
As I was saying, just the sheer fact that this alien thing I was investigating also had close to no one in my surrounding being invested in this, just like my gameplan with men had been unique to me as well, indicated that the two were probably going to end up being related.

But in 2024, I did not know that yet.

For the whole year I’ve been studying alien things, and I was also healing my own heart.
Or at least trying.

Or being aware it was on my to-do list after our ship had been abandoned by him, in a move that probably most closely resembled the classic going out for a pack of cigarettes to never return.

But since I was pretty clueless on how to actually heal my heart, or even what to do all by myself on the now abandoned space ship, I assumed keeping myself occupied was the best strategy.
This way, on January 1 2025, the first year would have passed and time would have hopefully taken the sharpest edges off.

So my agenda was open!
I didn’t expect to be making any real progress in the area of men in 2024. Which explains why such a huge amount of time suddenly became available for an entirely different topic.
Aliens.

A topic on which, as the remark of the coach made me realize, I by now have many things to say!

But the surprise was that as I started to formulate my thoughts – what was I going to write? – it turned out that the biggest contribution I have to make to this conversation is that I think dealing with Alien lifeforms is EXACTLY like dealing with those difficult men.
Exactly like navigating interactions with someone who will have your fresh heart somewhere between their strong jawlines and can crush it with their superior regular teeth.
And they probably will, so watch out!

So not only brought the remark of the coach the excitement of:
“Wait what? I am allowed to go up on stage and speak about aliens?!”
But it also brought the realization I had some pretty spicy contributions, and perhaps even life-saving information.
Who knows!

Because if you become part of the alien agenda, would you know what to do and what to look for?
You don’t right?
Well, I do!

I know exactly what it’s like to deal with someone who has the power to destroy you, someone whose agenda you do not know and who sure as hell is not going to inform you on it either.
Someone who does not give power away, and who plays you like a toy.

Because while you were living your life, and probably did something useful with your time;
I have devoted decades, training this!

And I tell you this now, whether you use this information to date people you considered to be “outside” of your league, or whether you store it in the back of your mind in case you encounter an alien (or a ghost! it also works on ghosts!);

The key is to use it as growth

.
These creatures, these men, these energies, these visions, dreams, real stuff, it doesn’t matter, ANYTHING, that scares you or that you feel vulnerable around?
Your only option is to face it and refuse to be afraid of it.

Refuse to give the power away that comes from your fear of being hurt.

And once you start getting the hang of it, you realize that whether it are iconic lovers, aliens, ghosts;
Whether it are employers, your neighbors, your new president or death itself;
You can choose to see it as a test and a training not to fear.

I’m not saying there is no REASON, to fear those things!
I’m saying fear prevents you from taking the situation seriously, and fighting your adversary in a purposeful way.
You need to master it, in particular because it is much safer to keep a clear head in those situations.

And once you make overcoming your fear a priority, then scary shit is no longer inconvenient;
It is to an extend a necessity.
You wouldn’t be able to grow, if it wasn’t for those things coming onto your path.

So now that I have taught you the psychological background of learning how to deal with aliens, half Gods, and other scary things (fear not!);
Let me bring you up to speed on the aliens!

Since you probably had better things to do this year, then to study them.

But I got this, here we go.
This is the management summary;

We have THREE areas, three fields of investigation or interest, which you can come across.
I will go over them from the most popular or relevant one for everyday life, to the most obscure or niche area.

 

1.UFOs visiting earth

.
This is obviously the most well-known aspect, and I feel the last couple of weeks there has also been a surge of them.

There was also this big rapport or disclosure, of government information that was from a recent date (2019 and 2024?), but I also mean recent reports of pilots on seeing UFOs.

As you can clearly tell this is not my specialty. I’m a generalist, but I can tell you this:
The lens I suggest you try on when it comes to these encounters, is (unfortunately) a military one.
Both from the alien side, as well as the human side.

The human side of these encounters is militaristic because ever since the 50s the United States are trying to get new technologies from the remains of UFOs, and perhaps from collaborating with aliens.
From what I understood the US works together with other countries on this, yet much of it is privately owned as well.
So private companies are allowed to use whatever it is they find, as long as they fund these research endeavors and share it with the government.

Although I am sure there are also other more holistic scientific investigations on the presence of aliens on earth, I do not expect their budgets and political weight will be anywhere close to what has been going on from a military perspective.

Now the other side, why I expect that these aliens are here with a military  mission as well.

If we take just “recent” history, it is believed that the nuclear bombs which ended WWII, was the point a galactic decision was made to put us under surveillance.
Some say because our actions impacted parallel realities or other worlds, others say that we are harming our own planet or the destiny of our planet.

Earth is believed to be a galactic experiment of free will, but the nuclear bombs breached the boundaries of how far we were allowed to go with that.

For this first post on this subject, I’m going with the hypothesis that current day UFO presence here on earth is a direct consequence from the galactic involvement in preventing us from blowing ourselves up.

I would say their presence is therefor benevolent. And I can catch myself being a bit relieved that higher beings have decided to step in, at this point!

Which brings me to the second area of expertise, about aliens of a less benevolent nature.

 

2.Aliens being at the root of civilization

.
This is definitely less on the relevant side!
It’s like fundamental research in the academics: It doesn’t really amount to anything anytime soon, but you know that it’s the key to moving forward.

The aliens being at the root of civilization is a story where aliens first created humans from engineering one of our primate forefathers with their own DNA.
Then there comes a second wave in the development where they come back and bred with female humans, although I do not think this was in any way planned.

You can see traces of these pairings in the bible, where it speaks of the sons of the gods having sex with (mortal) women.

This is where giants (who are also mentioned in the bible) come in; They were the children born from aliens and women.
It is believed giants have existed until as recent as the 19th century.

But the biggest impact was culturally, where all ancient civilizations from all over the world tell the same story of Gods coming from the heavens, of a great flood deliberately set upon mankind, of chosen people who survived and were to spread the knowledge of the first civilization after this alien-invoked ancient apocalypse. 

Those survivors/ bringers of culture, are described as tall figures arriving over sea.

So ancient texts are either related to the alien experiment a.k.a. the start of human life, directly. 
Such as the Egyptians and the Sumerians.
And in these cases the “Gods” come on what we would now call UFOs (then: chariots in the sky).

Or they have legends of someone coming from overseas who taught them how to live. 
Presumably, this missionary works dates from after a great flood had destroyed most of human life, and was aimed at rebooting civilization on the places where humans had survived.
I think these were not aliens, but the giant children or other at most alien-adjacent descendants.

When it comes to labeling this alien presence in ancient history, I tend to lean towards the bad side.
Firstly because creating a flood to wipe out all the people you do not like (and all innocent life from animals with it), is cruel. There is even the story they used nuclear weapons, which is referred to as the breath of the Gods which killed everything.
Secondly I lean to their presence as being bad, because it comes off as a pretty rogue bunch that did this, and some even say creation of men was done with the prime motive of turning us into a slave race for their mining activities.
Everything about this story has some major red flags!

For now I’m at the stance that we should see alien involvement in ancient times, as malignant.

Also note that the aliens as described in ancient times are different.
They are tall and human like. God created Mankind in his own image, remember? Whereas the, in my opinion benign, alien sightings of the 20th century are pretty consistently “little green men”.

The agenda of the current day aliens is probably unrelated to how it all started out.

Which brings me to the third type of alien: the reincarnated one.
Or Starseeds.

3.Starseeds

.
Starseeds are extraterrestrial souls who have reincarnated on earth.
This is where we encounter normal people/ regular humans, who with or without knowing, are not from here.

Sometimes they do know and often they prefer a different wording, and do not want to use the word “alien”.
Which I do.

The reason I use the word Alien, is because I think it is cute and funny.
And I think this topic of discussing extraterrestrial life can use some warmth and lightheartedness!

.
But I do apologize to readers who think the word alien is not the right choice.

I hope we can agree to disagree, and can put aside those differences and create awareness around the wording, and the concept of extraterrestrial life.

This, point 3 Starseeds, is where I am going to bring in a huge, huge disclaimer!

Because we’re now close to very dark corners of the internet, and you need to know this.

I am only going to touch on this very lightly, because it’s a really explosive topic, but I do not want you to happily go do your research without being able to steer in another direction.
The choice to engage should be yours.

As brief as possible:
If you have heard of reptilians taking over the earth, this is where they fit in.

Reptilians are a specific dragon race, which has already destroyed multiple star systems, and they are on earth by being inside a human.
I don’t know if they reincarnate or just take over, but the general idea is that they are not the same as Starseeds.
But because both are of alien origin, this topic is very close to it.
And your YouTube search engine could start suggesting videos on them.
(end of disclaimer)

So Starseeds are galactic volunteers who reincarnated (or “Walk-in”, in very rare cases where they take over an existing human, as I understood it) on earth to elevate the frequency of the people on earth, or to help in a more hands-on fashion.
They can also have already lived lives on earth already (so it’s not their first reincarnation on earth) but after the second world war, their numbers were increased massively.
Meaning as from then on, many started here and had not been here before.

A new Starseed, so their first reincarnation, comes with programmed memories of past lives, because otherwise they would not be able to survive or to be of any help here.
But because these are programmed memories (and selected for a specific purpose, I assume) this is why you often hear of everybody thinking they were Napoleon in a previous life, or something.
It’s the same memory.

I m not going all the way far out, that we are all connected and that there is no past and no future, and that therefor we (humans) are indeed all also Napoleon and we all have access to those memories;
But there you go.

The rabbit hole, or wormhole in this case, goes really deep.

Anyway, in general the Starseed theory, or how they fit into the bigger picture, is not very relevant for most of us.
But if you do have memories of a space journey coming over here, before you were born?

Then you now finally know what that is!

You are a Starseed, and it can pay off to find out more about it.

For example you can take a personality-type like tests on internet, pointing you to the galaxy you originate from.

And with Starseeds we finish the three areas of expertise, of aliens here on earth;
The current day, or militaristic.
The ancient aliens.
And the Starseeds.

And just like complicated men have been for me personally, all these areas are not just a huge invitation to overcoming your fear;
But they are also an incredible way to expand your mind.

To start thinking beyond the deceiving simplistic veil of reality, and to expand not just your knowledge, but consciousness itself.

It is an invitation not just to study a perhaps entirely new topic, but also to experience in a different way. 
Start purifying and heightening your own senses, become aware of the world around you, and the world beyond that.

What can you see in the sky? Planets? The lights of Skylink? The dying star Betelgeuse?

Create clarity of thought, of mind, of heart.
What can you pick up, telepathically?

Because it is said aliens communicate telepathically.

And if you don’t pick up them up, the skills could come in handy reading unavailable men 😉

.
Suzanne L. Beenackers
20th century writer, diarist & yoga teacher

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“Wait! I can talk about aliens?”
is the first episode of The Alien (Men) Series

You can follow this series by subscribing to this World Between Worlds blog.

 

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Quitting digital addiction. 80s Style | Gen X Diary 2024 09 18 episode 3

When I started this project in July, I clearly had no idea what I was getting myself into.
If I did, it would not have fallen flat, taking two months to return.

And I can’t remember what I wrote those first two blogposts, which were released shortly after each other. If you want, you can read them under the category Gen X diary

I’m here because I got two wake up calls, that both reminded me:

“Hey, you!
Yes you, Suzanne!
How about your 20th century life?!”

Wakeup calls that have brought me back here, writing. And I am not betting my newly found 20th century life on it, that I have all of the pitfalls covered;
But things have definitely changed, with an all new plan to nail it this time.

The first wakeup call was a reread of a post I wrote for my Secret Diary on Substack. It’s one of the few free/open ones, and you can read it here.
And if you want to unlock all episodes, then become a paid subscriber.
But this one is on me.

The diary entry was about Austin Butler, an actor at the heart of the Millennial generation.
Since I am at the center of Generation X, we are separated by exactly one generation.
The blogpost was about how Austin Butler h
ad totally nailed living a 20th century life.

He doesn’t flaunt it, but I recognize a paper notebook carrying, leather boots wearing, analog camera savvy 20th century dweller when I see one.

Rereading it reminded me of my abandoned quest for a 20th Century Life, and with it this abandoned Gen X diary as well.
It also rekindled a professional fire, that I want to dedicate the rest of my life -which I intend to be a tremendously long stretch- to being a 20th century writer.

I want to be the one who chose to stay behind, surrounded by 20th century topics, and view them with the context of still living offline myself.
Of having thrown my timeline in reverse when I was halfway, choosing to go back instead, because I recognized that the work I came here to do was to be done from there.
Not from moving forward with the rest of us.

I can’t remember if I shared this in the first two posts, or if I had even had this insight yet, but this whole being a guardian of the 20th century-stuff, really shot root the moment I set a very old age for myself.
If I succeed, then at a certain point I will be one of the very few still living, who are from the 20th century.

That was the moment this half-baked idea or inspiration to live in a 20th century way, and not online/ digitally – a concept I have been toying with since 2019- really acquired its meaning.
It now had its Why.

So, again, I don’t know if that part, about setting myself up to have a very long lifespan, if that was already a thing the last time I wrote you.
But it is now, so when I reread that Austin Butler post, I now had both his inspiration, of seeing someone so young really rocking that analog lifestyle;
And I also had my deeply rooted Why, of wanting to do this.
Seeing this was my work, as a writer.

The Austin Butler post was the first wakeup call, and then at night I got the second.
Which was so dry, so simple, so bland really, that I kept staring at the page, feeling all the emotions it brought up for me.
It was like the full magnitude of a problem I had vastly underestimated revealed itself, triggered by something that was almost arbitrary.

The word I read was:
“Addiction.”

And it came from the introduction of Nikki Sixx’ Heroin Diaries. A year-long outtake from his 80s diaries, Christmas to Christmas. He was a world famous rock star with his band Mötley Crüe, and so addicted no one held it possible he would see the next decade.
He overdosed twice to the point of being pronounced dead on at least one of those two occasions, and probably both.
I listened to the audiobook version years ago, and from what I recall he died twice. And rose twice.

But now I was in bed, opening the 10th anniversary 2017 edition of the Heroin Diaries, which is an absolute work of art with beautiful graphic design and glossy pages, and all in my favorite rock star colors (are there any others? black and red!), and I didn’t get past the introduction which was an A-Z lexicon of Wikipedia definitions.

Addiction:
A compulsion to repeat a behavior regardless of its consequences.

And:

It is quite common for an addict to express the desire to stop the behavior but find himself unable to cease.

In favor of the book, I do want to point out the Wikipedia list of definitions is counterbalanced by the addict’s definition of these words, on the next page.
Nikki Sixx did not write an AA manual here.

So fast forwarding, that definition reads:

Addiction
When you can give up something anytime, as long as it’s next Tuesday.

And I realized I was addicted to using my internet connection.

I don’t have any apps or notifications on my phone.

So if you wonder why I only do grid posting on Instagram, no stories, and why tagging/ links/ pins are absent?
You now know why!
They don’t work on desktop.

But despite having such a clean phone, I was still compulsive with my internet browser, checking email and news.
And on my desktop I was also always logged on to Instagram and Twitter/X.

I used my internet access as a pacifier, the way I once used smoking.

And although of course, there have been days, weeks even, when I stayed clean and enjoyed the bliss of the offline 20th century life I had promised myself;
And with the reward of being able to face any future Austin Butlers in my life, standing firmly in my own 20th century boots!;
 I had not done it understanding the severity of the situation.

That I was dealing with a digital addiction.

And frankly, I also think that concepts like digital detox or digital minimalism, are also poor words to give this whole thing some weight.
I mean, yes, if you read the books they will spell out for you how your whole brain is highjacket by the neurological rewards internet algorithms give you.
And yet;
These books are not printed red to black, with letters brutally scratched into them. And words like “harrowing” and “heartbreaking” on the back.

Despite users of digital media (effectively, all of us) having their entire brain, free will and wallet, ravaged by algorithms and having virtually no control over it;
We are still not addressing people throwing away their lives this way.

We do not feel the same urgency as when witnessing addiction to drugs or alcohol.

Even obesity, a food addiction, for better or for worse, generates more attention than the fact that anyone with notifications on their phone or opening digital media hoping for a dopamine hit;
Is addicted to internet.

Whether I start counting in 2019 or last summer;
I stepped into this whole living a 20th century life thing with the same stubborn denial as 1986 Nikki Sixx thinking he could quit heroin any time.
Instead of realizing it had already taken our lives, figuratively speaking.

What binds us, 1986 Nikki Sixx and me, is that we both let it get out of hand, and that what we both held onto, was a diary.

But what I will do now, just like he did, is to quit and to recover.
And beat the harrowing odds all addicts share.

Because if he did it, an 80s rock star who outdid all the others in terms of what he used and consumed, and no one thought he would get through;
Then obviously, it can be done.

And not next Tuesday.

.
Suzanne L. Beenackers
20th century writer, diarist & yoga teacher

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“Quitting digital addiction. 80s Style”
is the third Gen X diary entry. 

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Thank you for reading my World Between Worlds blog!
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“He has risen, Baby Girl!” | Deadpool’s Lessons will last me a Lifetime

I know, right?
Who butchered one of Deadpool’s widely available perfectly good pics into this hell spawn of an AI breed? 

Short answer?
Me!

And spending copious amounts of time replacing the random background, removing an even more random pillow that was tucked behind the head for unknown reasons;
And I added the katanas behind Deadpool’s head.
All to make it a little more pleasing  to the eye than just a mannequin head with a Deadpool mask and a winter cap.
You’re welcome!

The reason I resorted to this, instead of using a real photo of Deadpool is because this was the only Deadpool photo available in the copyright-covered database from design software Canva.
And therefor, the only picture I dare to use ever since criminal organizations in the Netherlands have found they are allowed to attack bloggers for IP infringement, demanding hundreds of euros for use of a single picture, and not just get away with it, but are actually operating within Dutch law.

Therefor you will not catch me posting anything, that is not either mine or Canva’s!

So here we go on this boundary stretching, genre breaking piece on the Lessons in the new Deadpool!

And just as a little disclaimer;
If you want a REALLY GOOD piece on life lesson’s one can learn from Deadpool’s latest movie?
I suggest leaving now, and ask AI to write you a piece!

AI has gotten quite skilled at coming up with structured, easy to understand content, closing with a summary of the key points.
Which is great, because it means that we writers can do whatever the f we want.

So off you go!

So now that it is just you and me, let’s get going with this post which from the looks of it, and from what I recall with my sober, highly functioning, memory since I have only drunk alcohol on a handful occasions for the past 18 months, and have been regenerating my body with female hormones to make up what menopause has undone;
Promises to be the most important blogpost in my entire career.
Plural, careers, since I was actually a writer under a penname over a decade before I found pen and paper or its 21st century equivalents, under my real name (Suzanne Beenackers).

This is the blogpost I have been waiting for, for a very long time.

Even though I have felt the matter at hand (not Deadpool, but its lessons) was addressed, done and down, multiple times already.
That I have been here before, but have been moving in circles instead of forward…

Just like this Deadpool movie, the lessons learned have been in the making for eons of false starts, half-truths and disappointments.
It was not one lucky strike.

This Deadpool movie is without a doubt Ryan Reynolds Magnum Opus.
And if my lessons have even an .001 percent of its weight, it was in fact worth the wait.

Because just like the movie, finding my calling and the One Truth has been postponed, delayed, and pushed to the backburner of an unknown universe, held together by little more than willpower.

Yet Deadpool’s challenging production, would be the first lesson.

A lesson to always believe in what it is you are here to create.
And at the same time;
To understand that it is not up to you.
That it is never, up to you.

Partially, yes, you can blame your reasons for having difficulty, the power dynamics that get your creative projects crushed, whatever they are.
Your version of Disney buying Fox.
But ultimately, just like the secret of Life itself, there is also a magic to things coming into being.

It’s never just up to the things we can see or understand.

As a creator, you are just helming a project that has come to you from another realm, or in the case of Deadpool the right word would be coming from another Universe!
It (the idea) has come through the Marvel Sparkle Circle to land on your timeline.

But it will make another jump, if you fail to foster it.

We cannot command things to come to our timeline, we do not control the ideas that come to us.
Just recognize that something has landed, and that we can serve it by helping it manifest.

But it is not up to us, whether we get the satisfaction of seeing it fulfilled.

This goes for Ryan Reynolds fighting to seeing this third Deadpool movie made, and not letting it get crushed in the Disney takeover of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
And it goes for Wade Wilson, Deadpool’s real name, seeing his career as Deadpool blocked, when we see him apply for The Avengers and being turned down.
His girlfriend leaves him, he starts sharing his apartment with a friend, and he accepts a job as a car salesman.

Wade Wilson/ Deadpool wanting to be a working superhero, Ryan Reynolds making another Deadpool movie, and – moving past the awkwardness of putting myself in that same line – me understanding creativity and Life itself;
We all have to make our peace understanding that we are not, the creators of our own lives.

It’s not our business whether we succeed or fail.
Our only business is to not stop wanting what we want.
And if you have seen the movie you know this is the point where Deadpool is at the beginning of the movie;
He has let the rejection get to him.
He has stopped trying.

I don’t know about Ryan Reynolds, but for myself I only have to look back at the last post I wrote for this blog, to see where I failed as recent as last month.
As I quote myself saying:

If writer’s block came in a bottle, I’d pay for that.
A lot.”

So yes, I have given up too. Many times, because that quote was not new.
I have been willing to stop my superpower of being able to write every day and all day, all in order to be some sort of version of a car salesman in the 2024 Universe.
A mentor, a yoga teacher, a proper independent whose marketing does not get flooded and drowned with her creative expressions.

I had a “Please God take it away from me!” attitude towards my writing, and towards my too-muchness (we all know Deadpool did a better job there! he never stopped being himself!)
Knowing what I know today, after seeing the Deadpool movie four times, I can say I was not as much desperate to fit in;

But I was definitely holding back on who I really was.

And for professional and practical reasons rather than for wanting to be liked or fitting in, but that does not make it a wiser or more honorable choice.
You are either an authentic expression of who you truly are (who God made you! Hello, how many paragraphs until we see how unholy this whole façade thing is)
Or you are not.

But before I move to that part (the unleashing the real me part), I want to first give the punchline on the creator/creating/artist rant.
Because creating against adversity?

Like Deadpool being rejected by the Avengers?
Reynolds having to deal with his movie being tossed between giants?

That was never my biggest problem.

Like the quote about wanting to pay for a writer’s block already indicates, my biggest frustration has come from being unable to not-create…..
An “if only I could halt this creativity” kind of wishful form of thinking.

The frustration of not being able to plan my life, career nor business, even though I know VERY WELL, what proper marketing looks like.
I know very well what proper EVERYTHING- looks like.

It’s just that the powers that inspire me and guide me are way stronger than my desire to plan and execute the things that I know lead to success.
Hence, the funny-not-funny but dead serious quote on wanting to pay for a writer’s block. 

However!
What Deadpool has shown me, and OMG FINALLY!

THIS IS ABOUT SEX!
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BORE- WRITE MYSELF TO SLEEP/DEATH

.
The first thing seeing this super authentic, being 100% himself and pan-sexually totally rocking it Deadpool character has taught me;
Is to start owning my sexuality even more. That I have been absolutely coasting it.
But that conclusion was a bit to be expected.

It would be weird if you walked out of a Deadpool movie thinking it would be a great idea to start leaning more towards a celibate or monogamous lifestyle.

Promiscuity after seeing Deadpool must be considered an inevitable and in my opinion fortunate side effect. 

But the real surprise, at least for me, was how this led to me accepting myself creatively.
And events are slowly coming back into my memory, because it happened when I invented the word:

pan creativity

.
Just like pan sexual people, feel sexual tension with different types of people (don’t ask me the difference between Bi and Pan sexual- there’s people far more knowledgeable than me on the subject, who would still not dare to touch it) I came up with the word pan creativity, to describe my creative poly amorous nature.

This term, Pan creativity, then takes the place of concepts like “multi potentialite”, “poly creative” and even the still fairly bland “multi passionate”.
I think this new word is more accurate because it honors the force, the innate power of it, where other terms still speak of it as a nice to have toolbox with a diverse set of skills.

But just like sexuality, that is not how being pan creative works.
It are urges, forces of nature, that define who you truly are, and that will become an uphill battle, trying to repress.

It is ironic that I have long understood how dangerous monogamy is. How you cut yourself off from Life itself, if you make that your God.

That there are in my not so humble opinion, few things as brutal as two people wanting to touch, explore, be together in a physical and visceral sense, and to then overwrite this beautiful chance to create something memorable and delicious, with some moral code that just stamps everything down to the ground and shames anyone participating.

I know there’s nuances here, morgages, children no one wants to see grow up with parents who have divorced, and I get that.
But you know very well, it is not these nuances that are usually leading the conversation, which is always about making infidelity (nature) wrong, and mental constructs which society has made up, right.

Yet although I have been keen to defend my stance on the matter of sexual restraint, which is you must be VERY AWARE what you’re cutting yourself off from, if you’re thinking about being monogamous;
I have made the same exact mistake myself…. just that it has been in the field of creativity, and not sexuality!

I have been cockblocking my own creativity, thinking I needed to be “proper” (the creative version of monogamous) if I want to be worthy.
But like people who cannot help cheating despite their own moral code, I have been creatively promiscuous, while at the same time condemning my own behavior as being irresponsible to my business and my readers.

Deadpool’s unapologetic sexuality reaffirmed my own already fairly unapologetic sexuality, Yes!
But only to have it backfire with the force of a 15+ years delayed orgasm;

In the field of my creativity, I have been going against everything I logically and morally stand for.

For 15+ years I’ve tried to brutally force my poly amorous and pan creative nature, into creative monogamy or even celibacy.

 

The character of Deadpool knew what he wanted;
To join the Avengers.

Ryan Reynolds knew what he wanted;
To make a new Deadpool movie.

But I have been pretending I wanted to have a business in something that looked proper (and for which I have the experience and capacity), when in reality?
The person who ever wanted that, either never existed, or she is no longer among us.

Because you see, that is the biggest lesson from Deadpool.

Even though there is car salesman Wade Wilson, and the costumed superhero Deadpool;
There really is, only Deadpool…..

It’s not like a normal regular person, who pretends to be this stage persona; In this case there only is “the stage persona”!

Wade Wilson ceased to exist when he was turned into Deadpool, an immortal killing machine.

Now, whether Wade Wilson/Deadpool is selling cars, in his normal attire, or whether he is in his superhero costume;
He is exactly the same person.

You know who he is?
Deadpool!

Wade Wilson died in that laboratory. He no longer exists.
And although the Avengers do not want him in his new superhero shape, between their ranks, that doesn’t make “Wade Wilson” less dead.

When he is selling cars, he dresses up like Wade Wilson.

And it is the same for me.

When I have these fantasies about using all my work experience and worldly skills, I am denying what has happened in “the lab of 15+ years of writing”.
I am dressing up as an old version of me, whom I would love to be, because it’s a hell of a lot easier than living with what came out of that lab;
But I can’t.

I used the word travesty, in a post I wrote last week. And although I immediately felt uncomfortable using it, I left it in, because it was the only accurate word to describe what I meant.
I could replace it for something less triggering, but not for something more on point.

And this blogpost again, I am resorting to that word:
I am a travesty, of the young woman who once existed. Although even then, she was more complex than I make her out to be.

But like Deadpool posing as Wade Wilson, whenever I pretend to be a normal yoga teacher (in particular) or regular business owner, I am actually pretending to be someone who is no longer with us.

The writing desk gave birth to a completely different persona, the penname I have been carrying since 2006 and which from the get go has felt like “real me”.

And not counting a very brief period late 2018;
I never tried to make that work my priority.
Deadpool may have been rejected by the Avengers, but I never even applied for what my version of Superhero Writer Me would do.

Instead, there was the daily blocking of my creativity because This Is Not Correct For A Yoga Teacher and That Is Not Professional Marketing.

Instead of the realization that maybe in 2024, just like on Marvel’s Sacred Timeline, the biggest mistake anyone can make is to not be who you truly are.

From Deadpool’s unchecked pan sexual magnetism, to his non-stop string of self-depricating jokes;
The Deadpool franchise will be somewhat of my sacred well of sexual and other wisdom, for years if not decades, to come.

But for now, 10 September 2024, suffice to say, that I am home.
And that I feel born again.

Or in the words of Marvel Jesus Deadpool;
“She has risen, Baby Girl!” 

.

Suzanne L. Beenackers
20th century writer, diarist & yoga teacher
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