Suffice to say I was in need of some strong medicine.
Something to take the edge off, realizing how many talents, skills and joys I not so much “lost”, but that I no longer have access to, since the start of the pandemic.
Some of them which a comedian illustrating how complicated or impossible things are once you have kids, would qualify as:
“Things that you don’t even consider to be things will become nearly impossible.
Like leaving the house!”
Me leaving the house is not hampered by children not knowing where their shoes are, but by things like not sleeping, waking up sick every morning, and having social events being punishable by migraines.
Things that you didn’t even know were things, like sitting indoors in a group, and knowing you could be paying by ten days of quarantine for this debauchery.
Things like that.
I now understand how older people go from no longer driving at night time and quitting cycling out of fear, to hardly crossing the city border, in a very, very short time.
I get it.
But I have decades ahead of me.
Decades I do not intend to spend frickin’ tiptoeing around my health.
And I ALSO do not intend to spend them mending what was broken or recovering from what took me out.
I want it over and I don’t want to study, look back, nor give having had the mobility (as in travel) and resilience of someone sick or geriatric, attention ever again.
These lines of thought are not new, but what I have found is that I have been lacking vision of what I am working towards.
Only what I am moving away from.
And I mean on a personal level, because on a professional level I do know what my future looks like, and although it allows me free choice how I want to work, and I could do it all online;
I don’t want that.
I want to be free to travel the world.
And not just on a good day.
So that brings me to the second part of the decision;
I also want to get rid of the “good” habits, and of the truckload of unfulfilled resolutions, that I think I should have in place to “get well”.
Quotation marks means that about a decade ago or something, I saw a Dutch meme somewhere along the lines of:
“You’re back on your feet when you can do all the stuff that’s bad for you”.
In other words:
I do not want to micromanage myself out of this health crisis, only to then have to go to bed early, watch my caffeine intake and be careful with workload for the rest of my life.
So that IS a decision I made today: No more tiptoeing and micromanaging. They are banned.
I also remembered how inspiring Lenny Kravitz is, and that’s why I used his picture with this article.
He lives in the Bahamas and frequently posts to social media, but gave a longer interview with Men’s Health last year.
Lenny Kravitz’s Guide to Immortality
Contrary to me, he does have a very strict diet and works out three times a day to support his physique, but that doesn’t prevent me from being inspired by what he says about aging and working out with his trainer:
“We always have a goal in front of us.
My best shape is not behind me. It’s in front of me right now.
We keep moving that bar as we get older.”
And although just like Lenny, changing my physique is definitely part of what I am going to do to bounce back from these past 18 months, and use those months as a springboard, it wasn’t so much the physical aspect of the quote that struck me most.
It was its potential to be not just body changing, but life changing.
And then and there I made the decision, that;
Yes, I was gonna bounce back from this.
Yes, I was gonna stop micromanaging my health.
Yes, I was committing myself to a new career and a new body.
I would go on knowing that my best life was not behind me.
My best life was not in 2019 before the pandemic started.
Not in 2007 when my new life as a single started.
Not in 2003 when I started my career as a yoga teacher.
And it wasn’t even in the early 90s when I was a radiant rock fan, who went to concerts fearlessly, alone, and who one night found herself in a hotel bar with Lenny Kravitz kneeling beside her and asking her her sign.
It wasn’t even then.
My sign is Leo.
My shoes are on my feet.
And my best life is ahead.
Suzanne L. Beenackers
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