The Sex Gratitude Journal

loveandlust_lock
A sex journal (not a gratitude journal) may be a better start. Buy at https://www.harvard.com/book/love_and_lust_a_sex_journal/ (the not-$100 on Amazon price)

 

If there is something I regret decluttering, it’s a journal I never quite found the right purpose for.
It was called Love and Lust, and it was written by Susie Bright.
Even though I loved its red cover and journaling cues, every attempt to use it stranded after a few weeks.
Upon which I cut out the pages I had used, I archived them, and stored the journal until I was inspired for a new project.

.
But after this week, not only would I have known the perfect way to use it, which is to turn it into a sex gratitude journal;
I would also understand that journals like this do not have to be used, in order to have value.
 
That journals like Love and Lust are valuable just for reminding you that life is there to be lived FULLY.
.
Something which can NOT be said of regular gratitude journals.
But let me explain.
.
dankbaarheidsdagboekThis week I bought a Dutch gratitude journal.
It was an impulse purchase at the checkout, simply because I could not resist its faux leather teal cover.
Maybe because there was a teal colored faux-leather gap in my life, now that I had moved the Deluxe edition of a Christian book “Fervent”, to my pile of books I would be selling.
I had loved the teal faux leather Fervent Deluxe cover.
But although my work is deeply rooted in unconditional love, acceptance and turning the other cheek;
A Christian I am not.
.
And without having left the premises, it created this gaping hole for the next faux leather teal colored book, with which I would get an equally ambivalent relationship.
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Because when I was home I opened my gratitude journal, still unpacking my groceries. In between stocking my spare box of kitty litter at the bottom of a cupboard, and putting two large containers of strawberries in the fridge, I mentally started going over the damage of not being able to do the rest of my day’s planning.
This journal needed immediate work.
It was a stationary emergency.
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So I got to work, starting by selecting a magazine to use for clippings. Which one would I choose? A yoga glossy?  A magazine for slow living? 
And then I noticed a sex magazine I bought years ago.
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It had been one of the magazines that wanted an interview with my alter-ego, who writes a lot about sex. Only to then reveal the real request was to photograph me half-naked.
When the magazine came out with my peers who had accepted the offer, I had bought it.
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I figured this lacy, sexy, magazine, was the right man for the job!
And got to work.
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For 90 minutes I cut and pasted. I covered two pages of how you can make tooth brushing into an experience of gratitude. Pages with 30 tips on how to be more grateful . Pages with 100 tips how to be more grateful! 
Good Lord! How many more boring tips could this author come up with?
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I covered every time it asked me:
What I had learned.
How I could see the bright side.
How I could stay still and let a meditative state of wonder fill my heart.
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And I covered them with drawings from threesomes, tongues, leather coats worn by naked women.
I covered them with women wearing red lipstick, wearing a captain’s cap, wearing a black military-style cap.
I covered it with women running free, naked, over the beach.
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The book came with a sticker, and after cutting off the website’s name (something about positive thinking dot nl, I think) I studied the text that was on it.
You will be surprised how far you can still go, after what you think is your limit.
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I took the seals off and stuck the sticker on my two pages with S&M inspired goodies.
Surprise me, indeed.
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And as I worked I wondered why this was so important to me.
.
Why was everybody satisfied not just leading a mediocre life,
where they were
not just putting up with it, not just allowing it
– because those were things I DID understand and fully
sympathized with! –
.
But why were they actually CULTIVATING it?
..
That was question number one.
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But the other question was:
Why was I absolutely, wholeheartedly, not having any of it?
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Why was I certain I would be finishing off my very soul, if I allowed for tooth brushing to be the gratitude highlight of my day?
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And then it hit me:
“Oh! Wait a minute! This journal is for people who are not artists!”
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People who do not live to CREATE.
Instead they live to do two things.
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Either build, which is creation but it is bounded creation.
Building is creation within the limits of what you can control and then controlling it.
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Creators ride the wave, having some idea of where it’s going, but ultimately accepting that it could kill them, have them, hurt them, but they ll be damn’t if they didn’t ride it!
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Builders will only ride the wave if they know where it will take them.
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Or alternatively, these non-artists, non-creators live to sustain.
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Their dominant is a sustaining energy.
They make sure that relationships, property, companies, people, stay in good shape by nourishing them, cleaning them, maintaining them. 
The sustainers are the glue that holds the entire world together.
.
When people say that the world is falling apart, what they mean is:
The sustainers can no longer do their work.
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And the reason the sustainers cannot do that, is either because the builders build too much, too much to be sustained. Compare it to customer service, which is the sustainer side of manufacturing/ creating software or products. Or they can no longer do their sustaining work because resources have become too scarce.
 
But the artist is not part of this part of society.
The artist does not belong to either the builders, nor to the sustainers..
The artist’s first need is to create.
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And there are only two sources of creation in this world, only two things the artist can turn to for inspiration . The two sources who create as well.
The artist can turn to God.
Or the artist can turn to sex.
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The artist, however, cannot turn to tooth brushing.
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As my gratitude journal came together I realized that this should be my sex gratitude journal. And that this probably did not just go for me, but for everybody who is a creator.
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We are under constant siege from the builders trying to make us part of their plans to build. And we’re threatened by the sustainers pledging that since we are so resistant to making a life’s work out of being of service to others;
If we can please stop creating such a mess?
.
Can we please stop our disruptive, creative work?
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Your sex gratitude journal, is where you write three things every day, that were spontaneous, not planned. Things that took over your life, your agenda, your hands, your mind, your body.
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Three things that swept you off your feet with urgency.
Three moments you were overtaken by God, desire, sex.
Three moments when you remembered who you ARE and what you came to do here on this earth.
.
Three moments when you realize that the answer to the question
– if you could just be more of a builder
– or more of a sustainer
– or if that’s not possible, if you could please stop adding to the mess?
.
That the answer is always the same.
.
No.
 
 

Suzanne L. Beenackers
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